S2 Episode 6 MARRIAGE Are You Married and Lonely?

June 02, 2020

Most people think that when they get married, they won’t be lonely again. Feeling lonely and isolated in a marriage is becoming more common than you may realize. Gil and Brenda have talked with several people that are feeling this way. Do you know someone who is lonely in their marriage? Is it you?

Loneliness affects not only our mental health but our physical health too. It depresses our immune system and increases inflammatory responses. We are at risk for depression and anxiety and distorted perceptions of life.

The realities of being lonely in a marriage can be very heavy and sometimes dark. Gil and Brenda will define this journey and as always, offer ways to find hope again.

Resource: LOVE MAPS

Reference: Drift Happens Season 1 Episode 47

Action Steps:

1. Take the initiative.

a. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is too.

b. Do you know their Love Languages? Sometimes just reaching out and touching their hand speaks volumes (if their Love Language is physical Touch.)

c. Try to initiate conversations that are not about transactional details. Ask them for their views about something they care about and make sure                to demonstrate that you are listening.

Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change, but after a few gestures of goodwill, they will likely return the favor.

2. Create shared experiences.

If your spouse is in the other room watching their favorite show, sit next to them (at the start of the show) and say, “You love this show so much I            want to give it a try.” They may be confused, suspicious, or both, but just be sincere and try to see the show through their eyes, even if it’s not                your thing. After the show, tell them what you appreciated about it – even if it was terrible, find something! That is connection.

3. Practice taking their perspective.

· Don’t commit “assumicide” (don’t assume!)

· Practice empathy

· Perspective taking will build intimacy and increase connection.

The steps of building intimacy are:

  • Genuinely seek to know one another
  • To reveal (which is risky) that what was shared and is important to you. If you don’t show you don’t care, that will destroy connection.


Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers

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