All Things Marriage with Dr. Chavonne

Episode 277: What Sets Off The Anxious-Avoidant Cycle (Part II)
Have you ever felt desperate for more connection in your marriage—wanting to talk more, do more things together, feel like you're truly on the same page—but no matter how hard you try, your partner just doesn’t seem to meet you there?
Or maybe you're on the other side—feeling like your partner always needs more from you than you can give, and all you want is a little space to think, breathe, and just be without feeling like you're letting them down.
If either of those sound familiar, you're not alone—and you’re likely caught in the anxious-avoidant dynamic.
In this episode, we’re unpacking that exact struggle: what happens when one partner craves closeness and the other craves space. When one feels rejected, and the other feels pressured. When you both want peace, but your patterns keep pushing each other further apart.
You’ll learn:
- Why the anxious partner often ends up feeling like they’re too much and not enough at the same time
- Why the avoidant partner feels pressure to be someone they’re not, and shuts down to preserve their sense of self
- What it really looks like to balance independence and intimacy in a healthy, respectful way
- And the personal growth plans each of you can start implementing today to change the cycle and create something better
This is one of the most common dynamics I work with—and the good news is: healing is absolutely possible when you understand the deeper needs underneath the behavior.