In this episode of the Recovery Rebirth Podcast, we discuss a concept foreign to many people entering recovery–boundaries. Many of us have never seen this behavior modeled within our family systems. We may be shocked to hear “no is a complete sentence” We may believe that boundaries are somehow “selfish” and find that our loved ones in active addiction believe the same because we’re no longer enabling them. We often experience resistance and manipulation from people who benefited from our lack of boundaries. Trust us when we tell you boundaries are in fact necessary to healthy, balanced relationships.

We discuss the difficulties for those who identify as (recovering) people pleasers with setting boundaries. We clarify the difference between boundaries and walls; which can be difficult to discern, especially when we’re learning this new skill.  Having boundaries isn’t telling others what to do, it’s simply letting others know what we’re not willing to accept. We believe that setting boundaries is a wonderful form of self-care/self-love. 

We share our individual experiences with learning to set boundaries. Sometimes we set the boundaries with others; e.g. not being around our loved ones when they are active in their addictions. Other times, we set boundaries for ourselves, for example what we eat or how much time we spend watching shows or on social media. We also underscore five different types of boundaries.  

We have found that our relationships are more authentic and healthier as we set and maintain boundaries.  A lack of boundaries can lead to burnout and significant resentment. Resentment is often a cue that we need to set a boundary. On the flipside, honoring our boundaries can bring a great deal of peace. 

If you are struggling to set boundaries, we hope this episode will help you to find the courage begin. May you experience the improved relationships and increased peace that naturally flow out of this process. We’re rooting for you! 

Resources

Books 

“Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life”–Henry Cloud & John Townsend

“Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself”–

Articles 

https://www.wellandgood.com/how-to-stand-up-for-yourself/

https://www.wellandgood.com/tips-for-creating-boundaries/

https://www.wellandgood.com/best-podcast-moments-2021/

https://www.wellandgood.com/holiday-party-boundaries/

Podcasts

Boundaries Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-boundaries-me-podcast/id1488880049

Beyond Bitchy

https://open.spotify.com/show/5NffpSb1tuzmVuq9B71feX

Recovery Rebirth Episodes 

Triggers 

https://www.vivacityventures.com/triggers/