It's finally happened. EL James' depressing, porny tragedy about a billionaire dickhead who besmirches the good name of BDSM has been made into a movie. And it's bad.

Obviously 50 Shades of Grey was going to be bad. It had to be. But unless you were watching it in an ironic Brooklyn theater, you may have been surprised by just how awkward it is. It's awkward. Ugh. :(((((((((((

If anybody wants us to watch the sequel it'll cost you $1,000.