Reach - Then Teach
Dear Hannah: LEarning (Do You Hear What I Hear (Thoughts On Listening To Advice)))
So how do you deal with the frustration that accompanies feeling like you are not being heard?
I have no answers.
I do have an approach that I am still LEarning.
First step ... remember what frustration is, Derrick.
Frustration is an emotional response to a lack of control ... of people, circumstances, outcomes, etc.
I am not in control of anything but me.
That establishes a clear boundary for giving and taking advice.
I am never in a position to tell someone else what to do.
Nor do I want to be - because I will not become responsible for someone else's choices.
However, I am well-positioned to offer the truth about my perspective.
Hear me twice.
I do not have THE truth.
I do have MY truth.
I am remiss to not share my truth - but I need to declare it as such.
I have crossed the line, though, when I think my truth is THE truth, and should therefore be your truth.
Second step ... I remember the times folks shared their truth with me ... and I still chose to learn the hard way.
I have a lot of those memories.
I can look back now and admit to emotions, attitudes, pain, frustration, and outright sin that charted a certain course for self-destruction.
It is possible that no one else knew, or even had a clue, about any of that.
At times, I wore my mask well.
Sometimes I still wear it.
But I digress.
Because of my own past and path, I am aware that I am never really aware of all the parameters that drive anyone's thoughts and actions.
So I ask silently ... what is happening here that I cannot see?
If I am lucky, I may never "find" what I cannot see ... nevertheless, I will search for it.
That helps me to maintain boundaries and balance ...
I want to discern, not judge.
I want to encourage - not enable.
I want to influence - not beseech (I ain't begging).
I want to reach - then teach.
I want to teach - not preach.
This way, I can speak with humility to what I *think* I see ... then shut up, watch and pray about the rest.