Dear Hannah,

So how do you deal with the frustration that accompanies feeling like you are not being heard?

I have no answers.

I do have an approach that I am still LEarning.

First step ... remember what frustration is, Derrick.

Frustration is an emotional response to a lack of control ... of people, circumstances, outcomes, etc.

I am not in control of anything but me.

That establishes a clear boundary for giving and taking advice.

I am never in a position to tell someone else what to do.

Nor do I want to be - because I will not become responsible for someone else's choices.

However, I am well-positioned to offer the truth about my perspective.

Hear me twice.

I do not have THE truth.

I do have MY truth.

I am remiss to not share my truth - but I need to declare it as such.

I have crossed the line, though, when I think my truth is THE truth, and should therefore be your truth.

Second step ... I remember the times folks shared their truth with me ... and I still chose to learn the hard way.

I have a lot of those memories.

I can look back now and admit to emotions, attitudes, pain, frustration, and outright sin that charted a certain course for self-destruction.

It is possible that no one else knew, or even had a clue, about any of that.

At times, I wore my mask well.

Sometimes I still wear it.

But I digress.

Because of my own past and path, I am aware that I am never really aware of all the parameters that drive anyone's thoughts and actions.

So I ask silently ... what is happening here that I cannot see?

If I am lucky, I may never "find" what I cannot see ... nevertheless, I will search for it.

That helps me to maintain boundaries and balance ...

I want to discern, not judge.

I want to encourage - not enable.

I want to influence - not beseech (I ain't begging).

I want to reach - then teach.

I want to teach - not preach.

This way, I can speak with humility to what I *think* I see ... then shut up, watch and pray about the rest.


Love,

Daddy