The Einstein Bagel is a lie, a mother falls in love with her biological son, illegal immigration is thoughtfully equated with grand theft auto, women keep the Governor of Indiana informed about their menses, and Mike steals a neighbor's couch.

The Stanford Review satirizes college protestors, Trump’s campaign manager gets handsy with Michelle Fields, Ben Affleck is sad about his Batman film, Mike flakes a sociopath, and Microsoft accidentally creates a Hitler-loving sex robot.

Ted Cruz might have a thing for rodents, a woman stashes a deuce in her purse, an enraged veteran cuts down a flag, a man gets arrested for not returning a VHS rental, and Matt abandons a friend in need.     SHOW NOTES Trumped up

John starts a band with the Aldens, God gets vengeance for Cecil the lion, a Kellogg’s worker probably urinated in your breakfast, and Hulk Hogan becomes the world’s highest paid (inadvertent) porn star.   SHOW NOTES Intro Follow Faded Paper Figures Re...

Ted Cruz is almost definitely not the Zodiac Killer, Whole Foods pre-peels oranges, WV lawmakers get sick after legalizing and drinking raw milk, and the gang contemplates the meaning of folded American flags.   Show notes

Justin attempts a covert nose wipe, Kanye West pirates some software, Mike’s dad robs a bank, Chris Christie gets held hostage, and Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t own a gas-guzzling yacht (he just borrows it).     Show notes Hear more Kendall at thenarrator...

John McAfee offers to trick a corpse into revealing a secret, Trump loves the poorly educated, China builds a ghost town, and Mike and Justin swap prank stories.     Show notes   Follow-up JOHN MCAFEE: I’ll decrypt the San Bernardino phone free of char...

Maria psychoanalyzes a pickpocket, Tim Cook gives the FBI the finger, Manny Pacquiao disparages homosexuals, Justin reveals his “super” powers, and Mike flubs the Pledge of Allegiance.   Follow-up “Oh, Reggie,

Lindsay defends the integrity of the bagel, Mike extolls the virtues of vaping, Eli Manning suffers from RBF, Justin seeks clarity on sexist pejoratives, and Hillary Clinton gets aggressive with her fundraising emails.  

A pro-rape meet-up group retreats from female boxers, Justin’s voice tickles Brooke’s and Mike’s ASMR-positive skulls, Mike fawns over WWI submarines, and Uber gets a new logo. Full show notes on our Facebook page.