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Knowing your own blind spots is an important aspect of being an effective parent.  I have been watching my own family, as well as thousands of others for the past four decades, and I think I have identified some parenting missteps that might be helpful for you to recognize, as you try and give your children the best childhood possible. Take a few minutes and read or listen to this installment of Portable Practical Pediatrics to find out what I have noticed.

Musical Intro

The Three Doc Smo Observations of Families

Observation #1: Parents and children believe what they want to believe. This is just human nature. For instance, it’s hard for most parents not to think that their children are uniquely and exceptionally talented because they want to believe this. Whether its sports, academics, or musical talent, it is exciting to watch your children grow in their abilities. Of course, all children are special, but super exceptional or world class talented? Probably not, compared to a larger stage of all children. This is hard for parents to accept because... they don't want to believe that their children are not superstars.  Conversely, children when very young, think that their parents know everything, possessing God like wisdom... until they become teens, and then most children think their parents know nothing. Obviously, these facts are not right and all of these thoughts are biased:  whether it be parents thinking that their children are the most talented child on earth, or a young child thinking that their parents know everything, or a teenager's refusal to believe that their parents have any wisdom at all-  all are distortions of reality, altered by preconceived beliefs.

Observation #2: Everyone's view of the world is determined by their experiences. Very similar to principle #1 but a little different. Both these principles involve a distortion or reality but this one is based on our prior experiences instead of projected  feelings. As parents and children, we observe the world, through the lens of or life experiences.  For instance, one thing I have noticed is that parents who had poor relationships with their own parents may find it difficult to set limits for their own children, making their effective parenting all the more contentious. Similarly, a child who has poor self-esteem that was caused by early childhood trauma, may start acting out, believing that they deserve the negative consequences that have started raining down on them from such behavior. Both parents and children can't shake their pasts- today's reality is an extension of their pasts.

Observation #3: It is easy to dislike people you don't know. This one is rather straight forward but very, very true. In a world full of overt conflict and strife, this one is particularly important to keep in mind during your parenting journey. Familiarity breeds acceptance and unfamiliarity generates distrust and prejudice. The antidote to stereotypes and prejudices is expose. I believe that it is vital to expose you and your children to a the most diverse range of people, cultures, and ethnicities possible. Your children will follow your lead and become more accepting of others and comfortable with a range of people. Heaven knows we need more of that in today's world. Traveling with your children and experiencing other cultures can be invaluable in this regard but if this is too difficult, just opening yourself up to people in your own community that are different from you will do.

 

 

Missteps for Parents to Avoid

So, how does all this translate into some practical advice for your family? How do these observations cause parents to make parenting missteps? Let's start with observation #1- We all believe what we want to believe. For the parent who spends all their energy tryi...