Want to connect with boys? Pay attention to your nonverbal communication.

Tone of voice, body language, facial expressions, and even our breathing influence the perception of our words and messages, says Michael Grinder, who’s known as the “father of nonverbal communication.

“If you look at someone and make eye contact, it increases the emotions,” he says. “So if you like the emotions, keep the eye contact. If you do not like the emotions, stop making eye contact.”

Females tend to enjoy the eye contact, even if it’s combative, Michael says. Males often do not. The heightened state of physiological arousal that accompanies eye contact can make it more more difficult for them to verbally communicate, so many boys and men prefer side-by-side communication to face-to-face communication, especially when talking about tough subjects.

Improving your nonverbal communication skills can help you effectively connect with your sons.

• Male vs. female perceptions of eye contact
• How to make (& use) a Feelings Wheel
• Accommodating different communication preferences
• 3 variables in any negotiation
• Male & female differences in communication
• How to enlist the village to help your boys communicate
• Creating places for communication

michaelgrinder.com — Michael’s website

What Do Teenagers Want? Potted Plant Parents — NYT article referenced in this episode

Circles of Humanness –– one of Michael’s YouTube videos

Mikey – The True Story of Michael Grindr

Charisma: Understand the Art of Relationships, by Michael Grinder

Circles and Chairs of Negotiation — Michael Grinder YouTube video

The Nothing Box — YouTube video re the difference between male & female brains

How to Building Your Village — ON BOYS episode