Remembering the Victims Who Life Was Removed off this earth in vain by Transit and 5 steps of Grief Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it. The 5 stages of grief and loss are:
1. Denial and isolation; o The first reaction to learning about the terminal illness, loss, or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation.  o “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening,” people often think.  2. Anger o As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. o We are not ready.  o The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger.  o The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family.  o Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one.  o Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed.  o Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us.  o We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us angrier.  3. Bargaining o The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control through a series of “If only” statements, such as:  o If only we had sought medical attention sooner…  o If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…  o If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…  o This is an attempt to bargain.  o Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable, and the accompanying pain.  o This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.  o Guilt often accompanies bargaining. We start to believe there was something we could have done differently to have helped save our loved one.  4. Depression; o There are two types of depression that are associated with mourning.  o The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss.  o Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression.  o We worry about the costs and burial.  o We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us.  o This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance.  o We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.  5. Acceptance.  o Reaching this stage of grieving is a gift not afforded to everyone.  o Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial.  o It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace.

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