Love is Self-Less not Selfish

This Episode continues the quest of establishing what Love is vs what it is not.  In this episode we are navigating the perils of selfish relationships and teaching valuable skills in avoiding to toxic or egocentric love.

“Hello and welcome to My Little Family, the show where we, Isaac and Michelle, share principles, values, tips, and tricks on how to build and maintain a long-lasting relationship full of romance, fun, and happiness. We’ve been married for 24 years and have built a community of like-minded individuals who are excited to connect you with. If you’re seeking to develop a fulfilling and lasting relationship, we invite you to join us on this journey.

In this series, we’re exploring the concept of ‘Love is this, not that.’ Today’s episode selflessness vs selfishness in a relationship. Love is selfless not selfish. So, join us as we uncover the secrets to cultivating a mutually giving relationship.”

Q: What does a selfish cow say?

A: Meeeeee

What did the selfish prickly plant say to the others?

It’s Cact-**I** not Cactus

In the American Psychological Association (APA) dictionary, the definition of “selfishness” is listed as:  the tendency to act excessively or solely in a manner that benefits oneself, even if others are disadvantaged.

We are social beings at the core

• We are social beings and are most happy when we are socially connected.
  
  • Humans are symbiotic in nature in that not only do we have billions of micro-organisms living in us that are critical to our survival we as well depend on each other socially.
    
  • “No man is an island, no man lives alone.” – John Donne
    
  
  
• Social connections are a negotiation between our own needs and the needs of others.
  
  • Our Expectations should not be what they can do for us but what we can do for them.  Ideally they should also be thinking the same.  Tissah Kombe
    
  
  
• On one end of the spectrum lies selfishness, the act of prioritizing oneself over others
  
  • Selfish is cognoscente of their selfishness and do it anyways
    
  • Self Centered are not always as cognoscente of their selfish acts but may be so pre occupied with their own thoughts that they act selfish when should they not be so pre-occupied with themselves they might be more kind.
    
  • From Societies stand point everything revolves around the “self”… or what we can get out of it.  Even vacations a commercial comes to mind you took a vacation to get away from your kids… why go some place where they have kids there…Everything is about your time, your joy, your experience.  We forget that love is not about us.  Love is something poured out we shouldn’t expect anything back for it.  It kind of cheapens love if Im only doing this for something else.  Brandon Phariss.
    
  
  
• On the other end lies selflessness, the act of putting the needs of others before our own.
  

BALANCE IS KEY

1. Too much selfishness (or self centeredness) can suffocate the relationship by fostering hard feelings, emotional distancing and neglect.

2. Too much selflessness can make you feel taken advantage of, feel under appreciated or resentful.

Find a balance using communication, understanding and compromise.  Recognize your individual needs, your partner needs and the needs of the relationship as a whole.

TAKE ACTION!

1. Focus on your partner’s priorities

Create a list of the top 10 items your partner cares about the most. Have your partner do the same. Share it with your partner

When your hear the list, listen without judgment and ask clarifying questions to see your partner’s perspective.

Have a collaborative discussion about the items on the list and edit accordingly.

Each week, pick one item from your partner’s list and make it your focus priority.  

2. Create shared experiences

• Focus on bonding and creating memories together.
  
• engage in activities that both of you enjoy
  
• plan!  Outings, hobbies, or relaxation!
  

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**1. Practice Active Listening:**

• Give undivided attention
  
• show genuine interest in them
  
• listen without judgement
  
• ask questions that will help you see things from their perspective.
  

**2. Express Gratitude:**

• make it a practice to acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s efforts.
  
• Express gratitude for their companionship, kindness and contributions to the relationship
  
• Express how much you value their love and support.
  

**3. Compromise and Find Common Ground:**

• meet in the middle to find solutions that work for both
  
• approach disagreements with a mindset of collaboration
  
• Return to the big picture- Is this worth damaging the relationship or can we let go of some control?
  

**4. Support Each Other’s Growth and Aspirations:**

• Encourage each other to keep dreaming and pursuing personal goals.
  
• Be your partner’s #1 fan
  
• Celebrate successes and offer support when setbacks occur.
  
• Find interest in their aspirations
  
• Help them overcome obstacles on the way.
  

**5. Create Shared Experiences:**

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