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Welcome to part 3 in our mindful communication series. We’ve already explored how to ensure your speech is kind and helpful and how to listen compassionately. If you missed those episodes you can catch the speech episode at mindful15.com/communication and the listening episode at mindful15.com/listen. 
Today, I’m going to introduce you to Non-Violent Communication also known as NVC, a method created by Marshall Rosenberg. We’ll focus on how to apply NVC to speaking and in the next episode, we’ll apply it to listening.
Before we get to NVC, I have an announcement to make. Starting today, the Mindful15 Podcast will return to a weekly publication schedule. Why? Because you asked for it. We moved to a bi-weekly schedule a few months ago, because I needed some time to create more content for our membership site in the hope of generating enough income to cover expenses. Right now, I pay most of Mindful15’s expenses out of pocket and that’s not sustainable. I didn’t want to ask for donations. I wanted you to get  more for your money, so I created the membership site. But, the income still doesn’t cover expenses, so I am going to add a donation button at mindful15.com. If you like the podcast and are willing to support us, you now have two options. Become a member. There are two membership levels, one at $3 per month and another at $9 per month, or shoot us a few bucks through the donation button. Or, do neither of these, that’s okay too. Rest assured, the Mindful15 Podcast will always be available for free because we really do believe that mindfulness is for everyone!
Marshall Rosenberg didn’t refer to NVC as a mindfulness practice, but I do. Rosenberg wrote, “NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention.” Sounds a lot like mindfulness to me.
The basic premise of NVC is that every time we communicate with someone it’s because we have a need we want fulfilled. Having another person understand what we’re saying isn’t enough. What we really want is to have that person agree to respond in a way that meets our needs. 
The problem is that, much of the time, we’re not skilled at identifying our feelings, and we’re not fully aware of what we need. Even when we know what we need, we don’t necessarily know how to communicate it clearly in a way that doesn’t evoke an automatic emotional reaction in the other person, a reaction that prevents them from meeting our needs. NVC provides a strategy for speaking directly, openly, and honestly in a way that improves the chances of having needs met.
Rosenberg says there are four elements to a successful communication. The first element is to express the objective things we observe that affect our well-being. The trick is to articulate this information without adding in our own judgements and evaluations. 
For example, imagine I see Mike’s dirty dishes on the counter instead of in the dishwasher. If I say to him, “Mike, could you please be considerate and put your dishes in the dishwasher,” I’ve moved way beyond observation by sneaking in an implied judgement: Mike is inconsiderate. Likewise, if I say, “Mike, I’ve told you a million times, put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher!,” my exaggeration also implies judgement. 
NVC coaches me to simply report what I observed, “Mike, I noticed you left your dirty dishes on the counter this afternoon.” That’s it. Why is it necessary to avoid exaggeration, judgement,