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Just as I was about to create this episode, I happened to see this quote on Twitter. It’s from Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now: “The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment.” He’s correct. Yes, the things that happen to us might well be things we’d rather avoid, but the lion’s share of the pain we experience is caused by the way we react to them.
The power of mindfulness comes from its ability to teach you about yourself. Many people, including me, begin a meditation practice in search of peace. We’re looking to reduce stress, to feel calm, relaxed, and happy. Sometimes, we can generate those feelings while sitting in meditation, but there’s no guarantee this will happen. Meditation isn’t a method for escaping the unpleasant. It isn’t a relaxation exercise. It’s a practice that teaches you to live more fully and to manage your reactions to the situations you encounter.
After all, the stressors, the agitations, the annoyances, never go away. Sure, you can walk away from a difficult person, but there will always be someone new who can annoy you. There will be unpleasant weather sometimes. Your plans will be thwarted now and again. You will fail at times. And, you’ll get sick. It is not possible to live a life without illness or loss. The greatest peace we can achieve comes from learning to live with these negative situations with equanimity.

Peaceful Moment of the Week: A Porcupine at Elk Island National Park, Alberta
 

This episode was inspired by an overheard conversation in which a woman was complaining about our “intolerably cold, rainy summer weather.” The word “intolerable” always strikes a nerve with me. It implies the situation is unbearable, that you cannot stand it one second longer. Your only choices are to take decisive action, or to give up completely. It is an extreme reaction and, even when it motivates you, intolerance causes you to suffer.
But, what would happen if you could let go of that judgement? If you could take in the situation without reacting to it in such a strong, negative way? You’d reduce your suffering, that’s what. And, if you decided that change was necessary, you’d be in a much stronger position to actually accomplish it.
Letting go of strong judgements, though, is easier said than done, because the process of judging is often automatic and unconscious. To change your reactions, you first need to become conscious of them.
In her book Taking the Leap, Pema Chodron suggests you can sit and become very familiar with intolerable feelings instead of acting on them. She proposes three steps for transforming your reactions:

*       Notice that you’re having an automatic, unwanted reaction.
*       Lean in to that reaction and experience it fully.
*       Relax and let go of the reaction.

Step one requires mindfulness, which teaches you to slow down enough to notice your negative reactions and to recognize that a) you’re generating them, and b) they are what cause a large percentage of the unpleasantness you’re experience. The more often you practice mindfulness, the easier it gets to notice your own reactions before they drive your behaviour.
Step two involves turning mindfulness toward your own negativity. Let go of your usual focus on the breath, and put your attention on your reactions and experiences. Make your feelings the object of your meditation so you can explore them fully.