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Last week, in Part 1 of the Why Can’t I Meditate series, I explained that meditation isn’t about clearing thoughts from your mind. I was addressing a question submitted to me by one of our listeners, Jill. Today, I want to address another aspect of her question, expectations. Here, again, is Jill’s question:

I have tried to meditate so many times and I just can't get my mind to let go of all the thoughts there.  A few times I have but I don't feel like I accomplished anything. What is the trick to getting to the place that is beneficial to you ?  How do you let go and stay in that moment of greatness. Should you feel like you have done something good for your mind and body? let me know what you think?

Jill’s email is full of expectations. She expects to let go of her thoughts, an issue I talked about last week, but she also expects to accomplish something, get to a beneficial place, stay in a moment of greatness, and feel like she’s doing something good for herself. All of these expectations have the potential to get in the way of meditation.
What expectations do you have with regard to meditation? Do you expect it to feel good, help you relax, give you a sense of connection to the universe? Do you have goals for your practice? Maybe you want to banish stress, become a more compassionate person, change the way you interact with your mother, or achieve enlightenment. These are only examples. It’s worth taking the time to explore any expectations and goals you might be holding onto.

Peaceful Moment of the Week: Columbines in the Rocky Mountains
 

Expectations are tricky. To some extent, we need to believe that meditation can do something beneficial for us. We need to have some sort of goal, because this belief motivates us to actually practice. The problem with expectations comes when we hold them too tightly, when we cling to them.
A great example is the common expectation that meditation will be relaxing. You might come by this belief because you heard meditation is great for stress relief, or you have a deep desire to release tension, or a recent meditation experience left you feeling blissfully relaxed. No matter where it comes from, ask yourself what happens next time you meditate and don’t experience relaxation? Will your faith in the value of meditation suffer? Will you think you did something wrong? Will you conclude that you can’t meditate? Will you give up meditation altogether?
The problem with expectations is they may not match results, and the resulting disappointment and frustration may lead you to abandon a practice that could be beneficial in many ways.
Expectations can often be founded on misconceptions. Take expectations about what you’ll achieve. Meditation isn’t accomplishment focused. There’s not end goal to achieve. Some believe the ultimate purpose is to achieve enlightenment, but as explained in Episode 62, enlightenment is just a fancy label for mindfulness.  The purpose of mindfulness is to fully experience what’s happening in the present moment without judging it. That’s it.
Meditation is not supposed to be anything, either. It’s not supposed to be relaxing, calming, or mystical. It’s not supposed to connect you to God. It’s not supposed to provide earth-shattering revelations. It can be some of these things. It can be relaxing, but it probably won’t always be this way. It can give you insight,