Stepping into the power of niching down, with Lora Cheadle
Episode 7, Season 2 – Lora Cheadle

 

Welcome to the seventh episode of the second season of The Micro Niche Mastery Podcast.

Our guest for today is Lora Cheadle. A former lawyer turned author, now a speaker and a Betrayal Recovery Coach.

This episode is a story of turning the pain of infidelity and betrayal into self-transformation and empowerment.

• Lora’s personal story about betrayal is at 1:23
  
• How did niching down to betrayal recovery expanded Lora’s coaching business? Find out in the first part of the interview
  
• Two things Lora did to attract people who need your help can be found at 8:28
  
• How to recover from a betrayal? The answer is at 10:11
  
• The impact of sharing a personal story about betrayal recovery is at 12:11
  
• Looking for an antidote for betrayal and burnout? Check out FLAUNT! Drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy, and spiritual self
  
• Flaunt Podcast helps people vent painful experiences, validate their feelings and have something to lean into
  
• How does Lora measure engagement in this coaching niche? Find out at 20:42
  
• Start learning, healing, and growing with the Free Sparkle after Betrayal recovery guide
  
• “The bottom line is for all of us to just be fine with ourselves because we know who we are and what we’re worth.” – Lora Cheadle
  
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Important Links:

 

NakedSelfWorth.com

loracheadle.com

dailycookie. co

Transcript:

Click Below to see the full transcript of this episode





Open Transcript

Voice Over:

Welcome to the Micro Niche Mastery Podcast, where we help you establish yourself in the perfect micro niche. So you will get noticed and grow your business faster. And now your host, he meets his team every day and considers this time investment worthwhile because it is significant rather than important or urgent, Ziv Raviv.

Ziv:

Hello and welcome to the Micro Niche Mastery Podcast. I’m so excited to share with you today. An interview with Lora Cheadle. Lora from Littleton, Colorado USA is a former lawyer turned author and speaker, and also she’s a betrayal recovery coach. Listen, and learn all about what that is. Hello, Lora. Hi.

Lora:

Hi. So nice to be here.

Ziv:

It’s a pleasure to meet you and you have a story that is very personal, that have changed your life journey in many ways. I hope it’s okay if we start with your origin story, even though it is very, very painful and I’m sorry for everything that you went.

Lora:

Thank you. It, it was a very painful journey. After 23 years of what I thought was a really good marriage and a strong partnership. My husband and I were both attorneys. I left the practice of law and stayed home to help support him and his career and raise our family. And then I started my own part time women’s empowerment, coaching business. After 23 years, I learned that he had been cheating on me for 15 of those years with multiple women. And as you can imagine, it destroyed me and my world because everything I thought to be true, wasn’t all of the sacrifices I had made for this greater good. All of a sudden I realized there was no greater good and that I had only hurt myself. And yeah, it really truly threatened to destroy me.

Ziv:

Just hearing you your voice and imagining the magnitude of the betrayal of trust in the betrayal period, it sounds devastating. You probably close to being devastated. How old were your kids back then when you found out.

Lora:

In a lot of ways that made it so much worse? Because my youngest child was just about to graduate from high school. So in my mind, I’m like I’ve made it, you know, I’ve done it for all these years and I’m finally free. I can travel with my husband. It’s gonna be just he and I again, and I can start pursuing my dreams and start working out and enjoying myself and let the mom thing go a little bit. I I’m back to me. And my life is just about to begin. And literally two weeks before graduation is when I found out and it was, I mean, the rug was literally jerked out from beneath my feet. And all of a sudden I had to reprocess what does this mean? Going forward and are my kids going to have a home to come home to? And they’re both boys and they’re kind of in this formative dating years. What is this gonna mean for them? And for me and for everything going forward and my business, what is it gonna mean for my business too? Because working with women on female empowerment, how do you reconcile all that? How can I have authority or credibility? When my husband, cheated on me for 15 years and I didn’t even know it like who’s gonna listen to me. Now. The whole thing was so utterly devastating.

Ziv:

How odd and ironic it is the power of vulnerability that actually exposing your very private, painful story to more people have helped you feel a lot of the wounds, including grow your business, not just to recovery. So tell me what was the process looking like it for you?

Lora:

Yeah, that’s a great question. When I first learned of the betrayal, I was confronted with so much judgment from other people and that actually became very painful. You know, people would tell me what I should do, what I shouldn’t do. Some people had the nerve to question me and what I did wrong. And it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this isn’t about me. And what I didn’t do wrong. And you’re not in my marriage. You’re not in my, all of the judgment made me want to shut down and hide, which really was the catalyst for change because all of a sudden I started thinking, okay, you look at the statistics. I started learning through all of my betrayal recovery. I started learning those statistics, 20% of marriages, face infidelity, and some surveys go up to 70% because that’s something that people don’t even wanna admit to, even in an anonymous survey because of the shame around that.

Lora:

And I thought, okay, this is a huge problem. And nobody’s talking about it. Especially the men and women alike, who are, who are all together on the outside, who wants to admit I was duped, I’m falling apart. There’s so much shame. And there’s such a stigma around being the betrayed partner. And I was like, okay, I’m a lawyer. I solve problems. And I’m a female empowerment coach. I really help people step into their power. This is a place of power that we all need to step into. If I am covering up my pain and my shame, you have power over me. But if I can own that pain and yell on myself and be like, this is what happened to me. I was victimized, but I am not a victim. Then I reclaim my power. And the more I did that, the more I started seeing how yes, infidelity and betrayal is a thing, but we also betray ourselves all the time. And I started realizing betrayal is huge. And the more I niche down into doing betrayal recovery, the more it expanded because the more I saw that everything is betrayal and we’ve all been betrayed and we’ve all betrayed ourselves. And we’re all protecting ourselves and our hearts and our businesses from betrayal all the time, which is shutting us down.

Ziv:

So in a way for you and for women that you work with as well, I dunno, do you work exclusively with women by the way?

Lora:

I don’t work exclusively with women, but I use burlesque the concepts of burlesque in my coaching. So it resonates more strongly with women, but yes, I have worked with men as well.

Ziv:

Not only have personally experienced that in this painful moment or time, you can actually collect instead of hiding and losing your power, you can, your power and step into it and like own your situation as an opportunity. Yes. But that’s also not something you do privately, but you also teach others on how to do so. Tell me a little bit about what you do in terms of, if we step a little bit into the business side of things, because you share your story and, and naturally people resonate with it, but what are some of the things that you do in order to actually attract people that need your help? Because you can’t really just find, you know, in events, when you look at the people, the person, if he suffered from this problem or not, you need them to notice you in some way. So what do you actually do?

Lora:

Yeah. Couple of different things. I show up on social media in a lot of the betrayal recovery sites. And I just listen, I try to provide as much value and as much information for people who are suffering as possible. I have got a free monthly Sunday sanity group for people who have been betrayed. So they can just without obligation dip their toe in the water, hop on zoom for 90 minutes once a month and talk and see what it’s like to connect with others. I run that through a platform called meetup. I also posted on event bright. So a lot of the free places out there. The other thing that I do is I just try to remain open, remain open on social media, remain open in talking to friends, to family, you know, to people that I meet. And it’s surprising the power of word of mouth, you know, in this digital world, word of mouth is still really powerful. And just sharing my story with people that I know then their sister has been betrayed and then their, you know cousins, and stepdaughters, whoever has been betrayed and it all circles back to me.

Ziv:

Wow. So you also have certain things that you do that pay things because that weekly, that monthly zoom coaching meeting which is so generous of your, to zoom and provide some first aid, but it’s very hard to, you know, just wait for another month in all of these emotions and all of these like little moments of in a day. And I imagine that also, maybe you can enlighten me, but the process of recovery is not a short process.

Lora:

No, it’s not, it’s not. And my signature package is a six month one-on-one coaching package because you’re absolutely right. It’s, it’s a roller coaster ride and there’s moments where you’re like, I’ve got this. And then there’s moments where you’re like, I literally cannot get off my bathroom floor. So yes, I do a six month one-on-one coaching package that includes weekly emails, it includes a monthly hour long coaching session followed by a half an hour of hypnotherapy to help people restructure the subconscious portion of their brain. It includes the creation of performance art, because it’s really important for us to get out of our head and into our heart. And what I mean by that is we literal move. You can create a story, a dance routine, a song, a painting. And I have people use that creative aspect as they’re coaching with me so they can get into the creativity, get into the right side of their brain connect and heal on all levels, not just say, oh, I’ve processed it. And I’m over, I’m healed. And you hit the nail on the head when you said it’s a difficult process, because one of the key aspects of my program is I do one-on-one Voxer support, which means people can process out loud with me any time. So it can be the middle of the night and they can hop on the app and talk it out because there is huge power in getting out of our own heads and talking things out. And it’s truly transformative. A lot of progress can be made in six months.

Ziv:

I dunno, it works in the same way. Like in a lot of businesses, you would look at case studies and testimonials as a way to, you know, just create social proof. Is it also working for you? Do people actually overcome the shame and are willing to share with you case studies after working with you and testimonials?

Lora:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And it’s interesting because what people really are able to do is untangle. They’re able to untangle what was done to them. They’re able to untangle the judgment that comes in from other people. And they were able to stand with themselves and to be able to correctly identify, this is me, this is them. They have this opinion, I have this opinion. We don’t share that. And when we’re untangled from everybody around us, it just becomes normal and powerful and calm to be like, yeah, this is me. And this is what happened. And if you’re judging me that says more about you, then it says about me because I’m fine with me. And that’s really the bottom line is for all of us to just be fine with ourselves because we know who we are and what we’re worth.

Ziv:

Tell me a little bit about the story of your book launch. What is this book about and where can we find it and what learn from it?

Lora:

Absolutely. It is such a fun book. It’s called flaunt, drop your cover and reveal your smart, sexy, and spiritual self. And flaunt is an acronym and flaunt is truly the antidote to betrayal. It’s the antidote to burnout. It’s the antidote to the, that pain. We feel where we’re like this really isn’t the life that I had planned. And now I’m neck deep in this life. And I don’t really feel happy or fulfilled or free. And the book, it it’s so much fun. It takes you through the acronym. Flaunt is find your fetish. And that means really moving into doing what you love of because you love it. Not to try to impress somebody or lose 10 pounds, but to do something that you love L stands for laugh out loud because the power, the healing power of laughter is enormous. And it is so overlooked, especially in an entrepreneurial context when we’re all like I gotta get ahead.

Lora:

A you U stands for except unconditionally. And that’s both except where we are at unconditionally and accept others and their choices and where they’re at unconditionally, because otherwise we waste so much time and effort trying to change other people. And then being really frustrated N stands for navigate the negative life is filled with roadblocks and detours. And, you know, as going back to that, laugh out loud, just navigate around them and flow when you expect to navigate you navigate. And that’s really what life is all about. And then T stands for trust in your truth. Like I was saying earlier, truly our power comes from knowing ourselves and showing ourselves for exactly who we are not for, who we think we should be. And the book breaks down those five steps and gives you exercises and tips and tricks and creative games to play around all of those and interspersed with that is my story. You know, my story going from corporate attorney to mom, to burlesque dancer, to empowerment coach, to betrayal recovery coach. And it’s an enormously fun book and you’ll absolutely get a lot of insight and aha moments out of it.

Ziv:

And you also podcast and share some of your insights through that. What’s your strategy around the podcasts?

Lora:

Yeah. My podcast, it’s also called Flaunt. Find your sparkle and create a life you love after infidelity in betrayal. And what I notice being in this space is when something bad has happened to us, there’s a tension between wanting to vent and validate how bad it was, and also wanting to move on. And my podcast, the strategy around that kind of bridging that gap, it’s allowing people to know that what happened to them was painful. That they are entitled to grief, to mourning, to rage, to shame to whatever it is and that it’s healthy to vent. And at the same time, it’s also healthy to have a stopping spot and to have something to lean into and to look forward to that is realistic. And that’s what I really like to do on my show. Like here’s why forgiveness doesn’t work. Here’s why you have to start with acceptance first. Here’s some of the things that you’re told that don’t really work and that’s okay, let’s look at it this way and let’s take this step a over here. So no matter what range of emotion or trauma or whatever people are feeling, that there can be an episode right then and there that they can download, you know, in the middle of the night, in the middle of a crying and get some relief and perspective perspective is huge.

Ziv:

You have to have like over 130 episodes whether it’s continually growing, it’s a very active podcast. And so I just wanna say, I really take my head off for you, Lora, either because you’ve been willing to be in that vulnerable spot for a very long time and share and help others in their own breaking point and water recovery, but doing that and being out there again and again, showing up as some call it, that’s very admirable. I wanna ask you because you do so much, I imagine that some of it is stuff that you do because you choose to be there. You choose to be there for people. But I wonder if you had to only do one platform or only do either through the blog that is active on your side or podcast or the book, or if you had to choose one, which one would you choose?

Lora:

Hmm, that’s a really tough question. Probably podcasting because of the speed. You don’t have to go back and constantly, I’m a wordsmith and I love writing, but I can edit and re-edit use the  and pick up new words and blah, blah, blah, where podcasting is just from the heart. Bam. And it comes out.

Ziv:

I wonder if you can share with me because I can see that when, when you are as active as you are in, as prolific, as you are surprising things happen. I wonder if you have, have a story of some surprising moment that you noticed that the world have responded to you, and what did that look like?

Lora:

You know, what’s interesting about that. It’s usually not what you expect. Like sometimes I’ll be writing something while I’m thinking, oh, this is genius. Everybody’s gonna love it. Blah, blah, blah. And it’s fine, but it’s not a great reception. And then other times you come out with something and you think, well, this is pretty basic, you know, where it doesn’t really mean a lot. And then people come into you and I had a moment that just actually happened to me last night. I had done a few different posts about a spiritual pilgrimage that I just recently went on in Peru and I had posted about it and I had done some RA podcasting on it. And I wasn’t getting a huge response. Well, last night I met some people in person and I probably had, I mean, it was a fairly small event, but I probably have 15 people say I had been watching that online, but I didn’t want to a comment.

Lora:

And it was like, wow, that’s really interesting to know that sometimes the things we’re putting out is really being received, but people aren’t commenting. And I pushed back on a few of them and said, well, why not? And they said, because I needed to sit with it for a while and process it. And I didn’t wanna open myself up and start commenting on it, but wow, there was a lot of, of depth there. And that’s kind of the, the backside of the coin of the question that you asked, but I really wanted to bring it out because it’s great. When you get a thousand likes or people are saying, this is great. But to me it was more meaningful to have very few likes, but to have people really say, I need to sit with that. That was powerful.

Ziv:

So, so to how engagement can look different and quality sometimes is why more important than, than quantity, especially when you create your own tribe of people that going to talk about you in the right moment with the right person that actually needs you. So I wanna ask you, where should people go when they either want to just be inspired by all to do, or maybe they either personally or know someone that went through the painful journey of finding out that they will betrayed? What can they do? Yeah.

Lora:

The best way people can get in the loop and start learning and healing and growing is by going to nakedselfworth.com. It’s just nakedselfworth.com. And they can download my free sparkle after betrayal, recovery guide. And then that also puts them in the loop for my podcast, for, you know, my fun events, freebies, my paid work, connects them to my social media, and then we can just start interacting and learning. But the starting point truly is nakedselfworth.com.

Ziv:

And we’ll put the link of that in the show notes and also put the link to loracheadle.com so that people could go and check out everything you have, including the book. I wanna thank you, Lora, for taking the moment here to share this message with lot of people. This is inspiring in many levels. I think that being vulnerable and is a part of stepping into your power and you chose to niche down as a coach and to like just honor yourself and bring out to the world something that lot people need. So thank you so much for sharing your story with you and thank you everyone for listening for yet another episode of the Micro Niche Mastery Podcast.

Voice Over:

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