Fathers, do you sometimes wish your children were born with an instruction manual? Being a dad is such a big responsibility. A father’s love, emotional presence, approval, and support for his children—from their early lives, through their teenage years, and beyond—is a significant factor in helping them to become secure, able to love and give to others. On the other hand, a lack of love from a father can contribute to various kinds of anxiety and insecurity in relationships and in life functioning. Fatherhood matters so much. Yet it’s not an easy task. That’s why the words of the apostle Paul in Ephesians 6:4 are so helpful for us. Paul here gives instructions to fathers. It’s not a detailed manual for exactly what to do in every situation. But what Paul says here is fundamental, and goes a long way to helping us see how to be a dad: Fathers, don’t provoke your children, but nurture them in the training and admonition of the Lord.Ephesians 6:4 Why does Paul single out fathers here? After all, in the previous verses, Paul has been speaking of the need for children to obey and honour both their father and their mother (Ephesians 6:1–2). And of course, since mothers are intimately involved in raising children, the instructions here are relevant to mothers too (even more so in the case of single mums). But here, Paul deliberately chooses to speak to fathers about their responsibilities. Why is that? It’s because fathers need to hear this instruction directly. It’s too easy for us to abdicate our responsibility to care for and nurture our children, and to leave it up to mum. But Paul is saying here that fathers need to realise we have a special responsibility towards our children; we must not just palm it off, but we must take it seriously. There are several significant things we can learn from this verse about our responsibility as fathers. Don’t provoke your children Paul begins with a negative instruction: “don’t provoke your children”. The word “provoke” means to do things that can give our children a reason to become angry and filled with resentment. This is a warning that fathers need to hear. Whether we realise it or not, we fathers have great power over our children. We’re stronger than they are. They rely on us. They listen to us. We have inherent authority: what we say, goes, especially when they’re very young. Thankfully, it’s not unlimited power and authority! But it’s still real. We need to recognise the reality of this power and authority we have over our children, for two reasons. Firstly, we need to actually use that power rightly, for the good of our children. Authority isn’t bad in itself, but it is there for a purpose. Authority must be matched by responsibility, and used for the good of others. And secondly, if we don’t recognise that authority goes hand in hand with responsibility, it’s easy—far too easy—to wield that power wrongly and in a way that provokes our children. How could we fathers “provoke” our children? We could do it by our attitudes, our words, and our actions. Provocation can arise from such things as severe discipline and harsh demands. It can arise from being arbitrary in our instructions, or not following through on our warnings. It can arise from being unfair, favouring one child over another, either out of laziness or even intentionally.