The Bible, marriage, love, and
submission: most people have an opinion about it, but for many different
reasons. Some see the idea of love and submission as key to happiness and
fulfilment in marriage. Others regard any thought of gender-based differences
in marriage—let alone the idea of submission—as unjust, oppressive, and
harmful. Still others today are even questioning the basic assumptions behind
the idea of “husband” and “wife”: why not marriage between two people of the
same gender, or three people, and why even assume gender is fixed? Plenty of
others just want to know the details of how to live out the Bible’s teaching in
the practical realities of married life. Issues like these—and many besides—can
easily be at the forefront of our minds when we approach a passage such as
Ephesians 5:22–24.

In this short post, I can’t even begin to
address all these issues. But I do want to say something here that’s
fundamental to all the issues—something that is very often neglected in these
discussions, but is vital to remember. This passage in Ephesians must
be read in light of what Paul has already said in his letter about the gospel
of Jesus Christ—and if it isn’t, it will be completely misunderstood.

Paul’s discussion about marriage in
Ephesians 5:22–33 doesn’t appear as a self-contained piece of marriage advice. As
he writes about marriage here, Paul is clearly, deliberately, and carefully referring
back to things he has already said in previous parts of his letter. His key
point is that the way a wife relates to her husband, and vice-versa, must be
informed and transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ, the gospel he has carefully
laid out and applied in great detail in his letter so far. So when he talks
about marriage here, Paul is not simply repeating or conceding or endorsing
social norms from the first century. Nor, on the other hand, is Paul acting as some
kind of modern-day hero of egalitarian identity politics, overturning social
norms for the sake of social justice. Rather, we need to read what Paul is
saying here in light of what Paul has said about the gospel. Paul here is consistently,
deeply, and profoundly applying the extraordinary gospel of Jesus Christ to the
real, human, on-the-ground circumstances of marriage between a man and a woman.
I’ll say it again: we mustsee the profound gospel heart of this passage.
If we don’t, we’ll end up with all sorts of misunderstandings—with serious
consequences for our relationships and our lives.

In Ephesians 5:22–33, Paul addresses
wives first, then husbands. In this post, we will look at what he says to wives
(verses 22–24), though this is relevant to husbands as well. In the next post,
we will look at what he says to husbands (verses 25–33).

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, because a husband is head of his wife as also Christ is head of the church: he himself is saviour of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, in this way also wives are to submit to their husbands, in everything.Ephesians 5:22–24

Submission: What’s Paul actually talking about?

Part of the problem we have when we approach
this passage is that we bring a lot of cultural baggage to it. Because of the
world we live in, when we hear this word “submit”, we can easily assume Paul is
talking in terms we’re familiar with, like corporate authority structures. That’s
because in our world, we really care about power, authority, decision making, who
has control, who gives the orders, and who calls the shots.