Human beings are social creatures. We
need to belong. One of the most obvious ways we do that is by the way we speak.
Whenever we speak, in all sorts of small ways, we’re signalling to others how
and where we belong. Often our nationality, our social class (or our aspirations!),
our particular generation, our allegiances, influences, and personalities are
all revealed when we speak. This is entirely natural; usually we don’t realise
it’s happening. As small children, we’re hardwired to learn language by
imitating parents and other family members and listening for their responses. As
we grow, we pick up accents and mannerisms from all sorts of people we care
about, so that we can communicate with them and show we belong. Teenagers do it
all the time with their language. Adults do too.

A while back, I moved from Australia to
England to study theology at a university. My course involved attending a
weekly seminar where students were encouraged to ask questions. I had a go at
asking questions, and I soon realised something. Whenever I opened my mouth, for
the first few seconds, the people in the room (who were mostly British) weren’t
listening to my question. They heard my ocker Aussie accent; and
subconsciously, their brains were running through their stereotypes: “This is
strange; this person doesn’t belong here; he belongs at the beach or drinking
beer or starring in Home and Away…” That is, until their conscious minds
kicked in and they started listening to my question (or at least politely
humouring my ignorance). So what did I do? I wanted to belong, so I toned it
down a bit. My accent changed subtly. I didn’t realise how much it had changed
until I came back to Australia and everyone told me I sounded a bit weird and
posh. In fact, my dear sister (who trained as a voice coach at NIDA) informed
me that I had come back with “neutral vowels”. Amazing!

As believers in Christ, we use our speech
to show that we fit in and adapt to the way others speak. Often, we do it for
very good reasons. We want to connect with people so we can share the great
news of salvation through Christ. We don’t want to alienate them unnecessarily
with weird expressions. We don’t want them to think we’re weird either,
because we want them to hear what we have to say. So we adapt our speech to the
way everyone around us speaks. But of course, our motivations are often more
complex than that, aren’t they? Sometimes, even unconsciously, we’re motivated
by fear rather than by love. We’re afraid of what other people think of us;
we’re afraid we might sound a bit weird. And sometimes, that leads us, without
even thinking about it, to speak in ways that are wrong.

That’s why it’s important for us to hear
what Paul has to say in these verses. He’s talking here about certain kinds of
speech (and this applies to online communication too). In this area, Paul is saying
that those who believe in Christ must not adapt our speech to the people
around us. In fact, this is an aspect of life where it’s important for us to
sound a bit weird.

But sexual immorality and every kind of impurity or greed should not even be named among you, as is fitting for holy people: so no filth, and no stupid talk or witty innuendo, which are out of line, but rather thanksgiving.Ephesians 5:3–4

Saying porn

Verse 3 begins: “But sexual immorality and every kind of impurity or greed should not even be named among you”. To get the idea across here, I’ve created a new English word from some of Paul’s original words: pornolalia....