Forgiveness matters. In fact, it’s part
of the bedrock of our relationships. Without forgiveness in our relational
world, life would actually become unbearable: Alexandre Dumas’ classic novel The
Count of Monte Cristo tells the gripping story of a man who refuses to
forgive. [Spoiler alert] Consumed by bitterness, his plans for revenge destroy
the lives of guilty and innocent alike.[1]
Forgiveness is particularly important for believers in Christ. That’s because believers
are forgiven people. In these verses in Ephesians, the apostle Paul says that believers
should forgive, as God has forgiven us. But forgiveness isn’t always easy, is
it? It’s particularly hard when the hurt is big, or when the person who caused
the hurt refuses to acknowledge what they’ve done. Sometimes, we try to pack so
much into the idea of forgiveness that we load ourselves and others with a
burden that’s impossible to bear. That’s why we need to understand what
forgiveness is, and what it isn’t. Even more importantly, we need to understand
why forgiveness matters. When we do, we can see that forgiveness is not only
possible for believers, it’s also incredibly powerful for our lives and
relationships.

All bitterness and rage and anger and shouting and slander should be put away from you, along with all malice. Become kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God also forgave you in Christ.Ephesians 4:31–32

The word Paul chooses to describe
forgiveness here is actually a grace word. It’s all about giving. Because God
has graciously
given us forgiveness, life, and salvation,
we are to graciously give to others by forgiving them. What is forgiveness,
according to Paul? It’s the gift we give when we erase someone else’s sin against
us from our personal ledger of wrongs. What Paul says here about forgiveness
helps us to see what this means in practice, and why it matters so much.

First, the other side

In verse 31, Paul talks about things that
are opposite to forgiveness: “All bitterness and rage and anger and
shouting and slander should be put away from you, along with all malice”. These
are ways we often react when people hurt us, aren’t they? If we let the hurt take
over, it can create a gnawing resentment or an internal rage that comes out in
destructive behaviour and destructive speech. These things can consume us and
destroy our relationships. Are you experiencing any of the things Paul
describes here? Is there any bitterness poisoning your soul? Is there rage and
anger and shouting welling up inside you because of what someone has done to
you? Are you talking about them slanderously, lying about them, or deliberately
putting them down and undermining them? Is there malice in you: a vicious
spirit seeking revenge? God’s word is telling us here that these things are opposed
to forgiveness. And these are the things you must put away. They destroy your
life, and the lives of others.

So Paul is opposing forgiveness to
bitterness, rage, and malice. Understanding this helps us to be clearer about what
forgiveness means. For example, forgiveness is not opposed to justice. You can
forgive someone and still seek justice. In fact, sometimes you need to
seek justice, especially, for example, if the unjust situation is continuing to