TSandy Patterson (the always likable Jason Bateman) is a Denver account rep at an investment firm run by Harold Cornish (Jon Favreau) who delights in telling Sandy that he can be replaced one day by…an APP.

Luckily for Sandy, he has a wife, Trish (Amanda Peet) and two young daughters that love him no matter how much money he doesn’t make.

But Sandy’s fortune is about to change…for the good and the bad.

First the good. A group of fed up investors at his firm decide to start their own company and they want Sandy to join them. Which means, Sandy’s salary has just gone from $50,000 a year to $250,000. With another baby on the way, Sandy and his family couldn’t be happier.

Now for the bad…Unbeknownst to Sandy, his identity has been stolen by a really obnoxious woman named, Dana (Melissa McCarthy) who resides in Florida.

Dana has already maxed at one of Sandy’s credit cards to the tune of 12 thousand dollars. If that’s not bad enough, she’s wanted by the cops for assalt and has jumped bail.

Before the real Sandy can settle in at his new firm, the cops come to arrest him. Seems Dana aka Sandy is also wanted by the Feds. This time it’s for selling drugs and guns.

The real Sandy tries to convince the police and his boss, who wants to fire him, that this is all a mistake..that his identity has been stolen. The cops aren’t very sympathic. In fact, they chide him for having a ‘girl’s name’…A not so funny running joke.

Somehow Sandy convinces them to give him one week to travel to Florida and bring back his imposter.

It doesn’t take long for ‘Identity Thief’ to become a road pic, filled with lots of outrageous, over the top, super vulgar antics, including car chases, gun battles, kidnapping, lots of drinking, and some really gross sex scenes.

What this comedy doesn’t have is COMEDY.

This film is just not funny. It relies on cheap tricks passing as humor and then towards the end, the filmmakers go for cheap sentimentality.

‘Identity Thief’ directed by Seth Gordon and written by Craig Mazin opens in theatres, Friday February 8, 2012. I gave it 2 dry bagels out of 5. And we all know how bagel generous I am, but not this time.

Check out our video for John’s bagel score and for more of our witty banter.