Season three! Let's kick it off with the high-energy, high-velocity-diarrhea song STOMACH VS. HEART! Helping the boys is the Elgin-nominated, Asimov Award-winning poet and writer, LESLIE J. ANDERSON! Steel your stomach and be still your heart! Let's start Born On A Pirate Ship!

Also in this episode:

- The vampire read actually goddamn works!

- The commercials have gone off the rails. It's time to put them down.

- The one time Evan pooped his pants in a train station.

- Bonus Segment: SELL, SELL, SELL!

Leslie's website: lesliejanderson.com, Twitter: @inkhat

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