In the last episode I was saying that in my experience of anorexia prior to my hospital admission, I had become enmeshed, hyper-vigilant and ‘trigger-happy’ in my family environment. I was physically and emotionally starving but could not receive the nurture that existed in the relationships around me. Admission to hospital was the beginning of a shift for me. I experienced myself in new relationships in a new way. The anorectic defence began to loosen and as it did I began to binge. This horrified me. But the reaction of the hospital staff to my binges, so different to my own, started to challenge the lie that my worth and value (and right to take up space) was based purely upon my ability to exercise perfect self control . It was a seismic shift and it allowed other little specks of light and truth to penetrate the layered mesh of lies that had become entrenched with my anorexia.
You can read more about this experience in Illuminating Anorexia.
Questions and feedback welcome.
michelle@michellesparkes.com
@mp_sparkes