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Finding lasting love with the “right” person is high on most people’s wish list.  Finding your ideal partner is just the first challenge, knowing whether they are a “keeper” or one to leave before they do any damage is the second and if that wasn’t difficult enough the third and longest challenge is how to maintain a loving inter-dependent relationship over time and through the many significant challenges of daily living.
How is it so many people get it so wrong?  Why do so many relationships appear to be great at the start, but deteriorate often quite quickly into something which is at best disappointing and at worst destructive and toxic?
I have worked with many people in every stage of the relationship game.  Those who yearn for love and who are lonely.  Those in the first flush of a relationship where there are high levels of attraction (and hormones) but lots of unresolved issues, those facing a break up or dealing with a painful parting and the challenge of getting their lives together again, those who are struggling to make their relationship work, who love one another but are finding communication or something else a challenge and of those who have created a wonderful relationship over years but face a life without their other half through bereavement.
Through my work helping people to create, manage and maintain loving relationships I have identified six key ingredients which have been universally present in great loving, lasting relationships, and at least one of them has been an issue where relationships have had difficulties.
6 Key Ingredients to a lasting loving relationship:
These are not in any order of priority, as it is the cumulative effect which makes the relationship so powerful and successful.

* When you are with your partner you are the best version of you. They bring out the best in you, and want the best for you.  They believe in you and boost your confidence.  They never put you down, belittle you or make you feel small.  They are your most loyal supporter, ready to encourage and support and at the same time keep you grounded and realistic.  You value their opinion and take it into account but know your opinion counts too.  You have equal status within the relationship and even though you both have different strengths and weaknesses you each add value to the other.

Think about the way your partner talks to you, their tone and whether they make you feel good about yourself.  Do they listen to what you have to say with interest? – of course you need to pick your moments, during a cup final is not a good idea

* You share the same values in life – that does not mean you have to agree on everything. Indeed, things work well when couples can enjoy a lively debate and hold their corner, where both parties respect each other’s opinion and can agree to differ.  But at the deepest level couples need to know that you share similar values particularly around fidelity, trust, love, money, sex, bringing up children etc.

Have you and your partner talked about your core values and why they are important to you.  It is really helpful to consider this individually.  Having created the list put them into priority order.  Then compare your lists.  They may have differences and that’s fine.  It is in the discussion around what you value and why, that you really discover how closely compatible you are.
Once you have identified the values it is really useful to help your partner understand how you experience their values.
E.g. “I feel loved when you…….”
“It makes me feel …… when you …….”
An honest and open discussion about what makes you feel loved and valued and where things don’t work for you in an even voice at a...