“Fallen, fallen is Disney the great! The Mouse has become a dwelling place for cringe, a haunt for every unclean secularist agenda, a haunt for every flopbuster franchise, a haunt for every unclean and detestable remake.” Yes, we know the line. But after facing fairy-stale adaptations, flippant super-capers, and the adrift vessels of “Stalled” Wars, how could we restore Disney?

Mission update

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1. How to unmake unmagical Disney remakes

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• Much of this chapter is about all of The Walt Disney Company proper.
  
• Disney likely can’t apologize or officially throw its people under the bus.
  
• That would be bad business as well as illegal (NDAs) and dishonorable.
  
• However, Disney can certainly signal it’s learned a lesson from fans.
  
• Stephen offers several big steps for the Mouse to re-earn its good graces.
  
• Halt all remakes and all Disney-branded movies after Lilo and Stitch.
  
• Re-release and celebrate Disney legacy films exclusively in theaters
  
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  • Not a cheap re-release either; presentation matters here!
    
  • The point is not a cash grab. It’s to show fans healthy pride.
    
  • Isn’t that the point of the cheesy “believe in yourself” canard?
    
  • This can relieve the “Disney is embarrassed of its legacy” charge.
    
  
  
  
• Cut prices for Disney+, theme parks, anything else that they can
  
• Delete (not just modify) all the “content warnings” on Disney Plus
  
• Add new programming to honor expressions of traditional values
  
• For U.S. relations, it wouldn’t hurt to join in with “civil religion” events like next year’s Quadricentennial (Hall of Presidents?)
  
• Quietly cancel plans to bulldoze Rivers of America for Cars stuff
  
• Ad campaigns, then stories, specifically about traditional families
  
• Bonus: release all the Muppet Vision 3D legacy show on streaming.
  

2. How to repair the stalled Star Wars saga

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• Finally and truly retire Kathleen Kennedy with her gold C3PO watch.
  
• Appoint Jon Favreau in charge or else Tony Gilroy, with creative freedom.
  
• Ignore (or quickly wrap up plots from) shows that were utter failures.
  
• Make more films like the epic Andor that treat Star Wars more sincerely.
  
• Perhaps most important: rehire Gina Carano with some kind of apology!
  
• Consider spinning off the brand for its own “studio” with independence.
  
• That way, if something goes south, Disney can simply disavow all that.
  
• Models: a studio like A24, with emphasis on directors, not directives.
  
• Appoint a brain trust to maintain continuity and voice, then back off.
  

3. How to bring back the Marvel Cinematic Universe

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• Recently the MCU revealed big(?) cast members for Avengers: Doomsday
  
• A few are names Stephen doesn’t recognize, from Disney Plus and such
  
• The most notable are X-Men actors, all the better to honor their legacy
  
• This goes a long way toward repairing relations, same with the Russos
  
• Simple moving-on from the Mary Sue-per­hero will also help matters.
  
• Fantastic Four looks good, but we need more originality in the stories.
  
• Honor specific directors, artists, composers, not just actors/plotlines.
  
• That’s another step toward making all this feel much less corporate.
  
• Meanwhile, put an end to Disney Plus series, other than one-off specials.
  
• Make it special again to see a live-action superhero only on big screens.
  

Com station
Top question for listeners

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• If you had an Infinity Gauntlet, how would you try to fix Disney?
  

Next on Fantastical Truth

While superheroes might go stale and franchises flounder, guess what’s big on the streaming-service menu, boys? Hard to believe, but it’s biblical fiction! From the giant-smash hit House of David on Amazon Prime, to The Chosen and its planned Bibleverse, to even more adaptations from Old and New Testaments, these creations are winning millions of fans but also some evangelical enemies. None of them seem apt to ask: what is biblical fiction?