True story: the word NO is a complete sentence. As empath’s or highly sensitive people, we have a tendency or disposition to always be people-pleasers. Accordingly, whenever someone asks us for something and we don’t want to do it, we have a hard time saying the simple word NO. For an empath, saying NO is more of a negotiation, instead of an absolute or emphatic statement. Why? Because we are so concerned with offending the other person or pleasing them to make them happy, that we avoid using direct language to turn them down and try to negotiate declining the offer. Unfortunately, this ends up backfiring, as we usually get convinced to do what we ultimately never wanted to do in the first place.

So what do I mean about saying “no” becoming a negotiation? Let me give you an example. Let’s say someone asks you to go to a concert downtown. You have literally zero interest in going for a variety of reasons. First, you dislike the music of that particular band, second, the tickets are $200 each, and third, you’re working that day so you would have to get home from work early, get ready, and then spend another two hours trekking downtown in heavy traffic. Basically you’d be exhausted by the time you arrived to see a band you have zero interest in seeing.

But here’s the problem with the average empath: when our friend asks us to go downtown, we don’t say “NO”. Instead, we dance around the response. Example, instead of simply saying “no”, when asked whether we’d like to go to the concert, we answer “I’d love to go, but I have to work that day and I’d never make it on time.” Or we say something like “thanks so much for the invite, but the tickets are really expensive.”

Do you see the problem with answering like this? What you’ve told the other person is that you’re actually interested in going, except for a few things which can easily be overcome. Especially if the person you’re talking to is a friend, which obviously they would be if they were inviting you, you have now done is open the door to negotiating. The problem now is that with regards to your “I have to work” excuse, is that what are you going to do when your friend tells you - “hey don’t worry about getting there late, there’s an opening act and the actual band won’t actually get on stage until much later, so voila, you’ll have plenty of time to get home from work and get there in time to enjoy the show. I’ll even pick you up and drive us down!” or, what are you going to say if they respond by saying “don’t worry, fortunately the band is having a second performance the next day which is a Saturday when you don’t have to work. Great you’re coming now!” As you can see, you just fucked yourself. Because now, if you come up with an alternate excuse, it will make you look like a liar, or a flake.

In the second part of the example where you said you couldn’t go because the tickets are too expensive, what are you going to do when your friend starts trying to strong arm you into going by saying “it’s only $200, the band rarely comes to town. Stop being so cheap - you never go out and enjoy yourself anymore. It’s not much money.” Or what if he says “don’t worry about the tickets - I have an extra one and you can have it for free! What time shall we head down now that you can come?”

As you can see, you just fucked yourself. Because now, if you come up with an alternate excuse, it will make you look like a liar, a cheapo, or a flake. Or all of the above. The problem is for an empath, you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings by telling them that the band sucks and you have zero interest in going, so you struggle to find your voice and speak your mind. You’re almost obsessed with people’s feelings and not hurting them or causing conflict so you always speak using wishy-washy language to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes. The curse of an empath. Damned if you do,