It’s January, and you know what that means… Frozen privates. That’s right, your own very personal genitalia numb with chill. Suffer no more, friends. Hey, it’s your old pal, Mort Lawry here to introduce you to the cure — Crotch Hot! The new genital warming product from the same people that brought you edible brussel sprouts, Grab-Ass Inc. Well…they’re not just in the high-functioning produce field anymore. No, Siree. They’ve branched out to keep your junk warm. Just tuck one of these hot pads in your boxers, briefs or panties and poof…a warm beam shoots right through you.  All we ask is that you don’t shoot back. Bah-Dum!  Check out the full Grab-Ass product line. Order your catalog today. And now, eMpTy Minded Radios, episode….uh.  Oh, who gives a shit? Enjoy!
YOUR HOSTS: TOMMY & PAULIE
YOUR EM NEWS CHICA: TABI
YOUR EM COMMENTATOR: SIX/8 NATE

“You don’t look, but you kick me.
_You can’t feel, but you hit me.
_You can’t deal with the way I 
_pray. Why we all have to look
_this way? I got a heart. I got
_blood…feel pain. Time. Time
_is not on my side because the
_way I am. Got a got now. Got
_to find the reason why a 
_woman ain’t a man. Fall in
_those single file lines, like
_army ants...“
EM NEWS
– The Drive Was A Gamble In Itself
– Pee Stairs No Work, Senor
– And a whole lot more
MENTALTAINMENT
– …And Now They Need A Legalsmith
– Cinema PaulieDiso is innocent
– Phoenix, Jones, Hamlin
– The Ticker Flashback
– Birthdays + tons more

ETCETERA
– An all new Top Ten List
– A bunch of Odd Tidbits
– A sweet round of Back Rockwards!
– So much more, your head will spin!