We often get calls from family members who are eager to start preparing for a death of a loved one. Perhaps mom has entered hospice. Maybe the hospital has indicated that it’s soon time to remove life support for a sibling. Or dad is failing rapidly, and the family just wants to be prepared.

What can we suggest when preparing for a death in the family? In a nutshell, our usual advice is: you don’t want to spend your time with us.

There’s usually not that much that can be done to make things easier after a death. Most of the hard work of grieving, and the legal transitions, will have to wait until the actual event.

Here’s what we think does make sense in most cases: spend time with your loved one. Even if they don’t seem to know you’re present, you’ll feel better later (and the rest of your family will, as well) if you are there as much as possible.

But don’t you need to move money from the trust into an easily accessible bank account? No. Can you make burial arrangements and pay for them? Sure — but you don’t need us for that process (and much of it really needs to wait until family begins to gather, anyway). Can you fill out the probate petition, or start the trust notifications? Not really. Or, more precisely, you could do those things, but you’ll be redoing them later anyway, and it’s probably not the best use of your time.

Even immediately after the death of a loved one, we might not need to be the first stop. We’d like to see you (or whoever is going to administer the estate, or the trust) within a few days or a couple of weeks of the death, but there’s no need to stop by our office on the way home from the funeral. And let everyone know that there won’t be a check for them at the funeral itself. Plus we do have a checklist you might download and review. Then let’s talk.