Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, Encouragement is Not Always What You Think, focuses on how certain factors affect the way people are encouraged.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show notes: Encouragement is not always what you think.

Encouragement is a gift that keeps on giving, a way to enrich the lives of others. Zig Ziglar once said, “A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.”

How would you like to be that someone else? You can be and I can too. But there are a few things we need to understand before we begin.

People are very different in personality, upbringing, culture, and various other ways. Each of us responds in unique ways to various types of encouragement. Let’s say you want to encourage me. Please don’t call me out in a room full of people. The introvert in me cringes. Instead, take me aside or encourage me within a small group.

When you do that, you’re factoring in the fact that I’m introverted. We also need to remember the circumstances surrounding someone’s life at any given moment. A young person getting ready to play their first ball game will need different motivation from the young person sitting out that game because of an injury.

Here are some techniques you can use:

Praise-compliment talent, ability, perseverance, or consistency in an honest way.
Acts of Service-do something to help another.
Empathy-try to understand another’s pain or joy.
Motivation-honest feedback that points people in the right direction.
Teaching-giving life or job skills to someone in need.
Sympathy-feeling pity or sorrow for other's misfortunes. In the Bible, Romans 12:15 says “to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

Looking at the example of our ballplayers, the one playing their first game would probably need motivation and praise. The one injured could use empathy, sympathy, and a gentler form of motivation.

Again, it really comes down to the individual. How do they react to encouragement? Personally, I’m introverted, my love language is words of affirmation, and I tend to be overly responsible as the firstborn in my family.

So, when my father passed away suddenly at the age of 53, I was distraught and unsettled to say the least. A relative came up to me at the funeral home and told me I needed to be strong for my mother. I’m sure they meant well but didn’t know me well enough to understand how I would react. I took on a parenting role and stuffed my feelings while trying to take care of every detail. I nearly had a nervous breakdown before realizing I needed to talk out my feelings and cry with my mother as the child I was. I didn’t need to be a parent.

On the other hand, my friend Joyce knows me well. She always seems to share a word of praise or comfort or encouragement at the perfect time for the season I’m in. But more importantly, she listens to my rants or whining when I’m struggling. I appreciate her more than I can say.

How can we know which technique of encouragement to use and whether we need to speak or simply listen?

First, get to know the person as much as possible or ask their close friend for advice. Is the person introverted or extroverted? How are they doing physically, emotionally, mentally? All this needs to be factored in. Second, listen closely. Try to hear their heart and respond accordingly. Pay attention before you speak.

It all comes down to love. Jesus said to love our neighbor as ourselves. A tendency I have to watch for in myself is to comfort or encourage someone the way I would want to be comforted or encouraged. Focusing on myself again. I’ve found that if you talk with people long enough,