Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark.

Today’s episode, “Procrastination and Conflict” focuses on the main reason I procrastinate: to avoid conflict.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show Notes: Procrastination and Conflict

I don’t like to admit it but I can be timid. Non-confrontive. Reserved. These three words describe me at times. A life-long struggle with being fearful and worrying what people would think. Partly from my personality, inherited qualities, and life experiences. We all have areas that limit us from being all we can be. And being timid, non-confrontive, and reserved have tried to limit me from the time I was a young child.

What do I mean by limit? Dictionary.com mentions restricted; confined. without fullness or scope; narrow. That’s how I feel when I’m avoiding conflict. It’s like I’m trying to put myself in a tiny, narrow space where I’ll be safe. But what I really do is box myself in where I’m completely unable to dance.

My go-to verse is II Timothy 1:7. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

The word fear in this passage is best-expressed timidity. A spirit of fear paralyzes which leads to me putting off doing what I need to do. But we read here it doesn’t come from God. So we don’t have to accept it. We can face conflict head-on with God’s help.

I needed to cancel a credit card. A simple action that people do every day. I put it off for three weeks. Finally, I sat down and asked myself why. What was my problem? Simple. I was afraid the person I would talk to might be upset by my decision, try to convince me otherwise, maybe even get angry. Unrealistic scenes played in my head of how it might go. For so long, I’ve told myself things like conflict is bad, you don’t want to upset people, I need everyone to like me that I’ve built a stronghold of fear and anxiety over seemingly simple tasks. I avoid conflict.

How did I get past my dilemma? Or any dilemma in the future where I might avoid conflict?

First, I Scheduled a time to do the task. By adding it to my calendar, I made it more important.

Second, I Prepared. I thought of why I wanted to cancel the credit card, and determined in my heart not to change my mind. I reminded myself that the person I would talk to was just a person doing their job and it was my right to do what I wished with my credit card.

Then I Carried through. I actually had sweaty palms and a fast-beating heart when I made the call but once I started talking, I calmed down. The person asked for information and read a pre-prepared form about what I’d miss by canceling. I declined, we finished the conversation, and she wished me a good rest of my day.

I confronted and won. For the moment. What happens when really difficult confrontations arise? Maybe working through a major relationship issue with a family member. Or A job crisis. A conflict at church. An internal issue with yourself. What then?

I start by reminding myself that I have a right to express my opinion or concerns. I pray a lot and ask God for wisdom with my words and timing. Then I work with one issue at a time. I don’t try to deal with everything and everybody at once. Multi-tasking tends to overwhelm me and emotional multi-tasking is the worst kind. After I confront the conflict, I give myself grace. Sometimes I have a positive ending like my credit card cancellation. But sometimes the other person is upset or angry or unsupportive. I then remind myself that I’ve done what I thought I should, mainly that I stopped procrastinating and confronted the issue.

It takes facing my fear of conflict to stop avoiding and move forward. I don’t want to be limited in my dance with God anymore.