"You can't put God in a bag!" squealed a Cardinal over a proposal to individually wrap communion cookies, cuz COVID-19. A federal watchdog group recommended whistleblower Rick Bright be reinstated at the CDC. White House ghoul Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for coronavirus. Florida's crappy governor announced barbershops and salons can reopen next week. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation arrested Ahmaud Arbery's murderers, finally. Cretin Lindsey Graham blathered that Shitler's pro-life stance has guided him during the administration's horrendous response to the outbreak. The Southern Baptists have gotten even weirder by adopting the seven mountains strategy originally crafted by Pentecostals. Jim Bakker's evil empire said since JEEBUS commanded the televangelist charlatan to sell colloidal silver he can't be prosecuted for saying it cures coronavirus. Also, Bakker apparently had a mild stroke, sad. A sheriff in New Mexico deputized a gaggle of churchgoers so they could legally meet at their sky-god-temple. In Ireland, a commission ruled a Catholic school couldn't punish students for not participating in higher power antics.