In response to the president saying he has total power to reopen the economy, New York governor Andrew Cuomo says Trump is not a king. Before getting yanked offstage by a rep of the Czar of Florida, the sunshine state's Surgeon General said social distancing is the norm until we figure out a vaccine. Much of Shitler's cabinet hasn't been present during the pandemic. Man-baby ejaculated a yuge load of mental illness in a tweet by comparing himself to Captain Bligh from Mutiny on the Bounty. The empty-skulled fireman "prophet" Mark Taylor rattled off some whacked-out crap conspiracy theories about Microsoft founder Bill Gates' plan to slip nanotech into Muricans via vaccinations. Typically corrupt GOP Senator Burr, already being investigated for insider trading was found to have sold a D.C. home to a political donor for way above market value. Senator Bernie Sanders gave an impassioned endorsement of presidential candidate Joe Biden that included a reminder that Trump is Sauron. Evangelical Sith Lord Rodney Howard Browne used his gross position of alleged Jesus-y authority to spew crap conspiracy theories about coronavirus. We learned the pandemic is also totally kinking up our food chain.