As the House sent articles of impeachment to the Senate, the Crabs cover the historic day. New documents from Rudy Giuliani's buddy Lev Parnas suggest that Trump's evil cabal had the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine, Marie Yovanovitch under surveillance. Democratic presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar was a perceived big winner in the latest lackluster Democratic presidential debate. The best countries on the planet were ranked in a recent poll, and America ate a big turdlet. Virginia, now run by Democrats, voted to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment, but surely some anti-equality red states will sue to delay the process even more. A new study proved women that who get abortions don't regret it, blowing up yet another talking point of the forced-birth enthusiast crowd. And, in an EXTENDED SEGMENT ALERT, Gwyneth Paltrow released a candle named "This Smells Like My Vagina." No, really.