Beto says "Hell yes" we're taking your AR 15 and the Crabs played the applause sound cue. Debate analysis from the Houston face-off pointed to a three-person race. Candidate Andrew Yang announced he was giving away "freedom dividends" during his campaign for president to prove how his Universal Basic Income idea works. Trump called his VP Mike "Pounce." Barr and the evil Shitler-sucking DOJ got a smackdown from the grand jury on the crap Andrew McCabe prosecution. The emoluments case against Cheeto rages on in the courts. Actor Felicity Huffman was sentenced to 14 days in prison for her part in the college admissions scandal. Christo-dink Bryan Fischer proclaimed racism was dead because most African Americans own cellphones and DVD players. Evangelical d-bag Jim Bakker said Christians shouldn't criticize the rapist-in-chief because he's appointed by sky-god. In further Jeebus news, god-guy Rick Joyner encouraged lord-lovers to get strapped for an impending civil war. Finally, the Crabs gave "Fursuit Friday" a proper shout-out.