The numbers don't lie. This is a perfect slice.

A pair of mathematicians have run the numbers and have devised a way to guarantee you get the perfect slice of pizza. Today, we will tell you how you can easily replicate their results. (Run time: 5 minutes)

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Transcript:

CLINTON

Oh, hi there. Clinton here. And here's today's odd news story.

It's a problem we've all faced -- "How do I cut my pizza into 12 geometrically-perfect, completely equal slices?" Well, the answer is simple -- according to Joel Haddley and Stephen Worsley.

While Haddley and Worsley sound like the vaudeville act that time forgot, they are actually mathematicians from the University of Liverpool. They've devised a pizza slice pattern by using a method that in the maths world is known as "monohedral disc tiling."

Here's all you need to do: First, order a pie from your favorite pizzeria, but simply tell them to not pre-slice it. They'll be happy to do that! After all, we all know how easy it is to not do something that years of endless repetition has drilled into your scull to the point of it being muscle memory.

AUDIO BEGINS TO SPEED UP IN SMALL INCRIMENTS. Then, cut the pizza into six radial-curved slices, each emanating from the exact center of the pizza. Obviously each cut must be spaced at precise 60 degree intervals. Haddley and Worsley used a three-arm protractor in their field experiments. You're strongly encouraged to do the same.

You will end up with what can crudely be called a "star pattern." With apologies to Neil DeGrasse-Tyson. If your pizza does not reflect this shape, please destroy the defective sample, order another pizza and try again -- remembering the golden rule of any such project, measure twice, slice once -- five times.

At this point, it is recommended that you take a short break, as a steady hand will be needed to complete the task. And please, no adult beverages during your off cycle. "Clear head, mathmatically-perfect slices."

Gathering your wits, your pizza slicer and your protractor, you will now need to make a second set of cuts to each of the master incisions from the first session. At this stage of the project, you will have reached a critical juncture. There are two options for the second slicing pattern. One method will result in tapered slices, all emanating from the core, or hub, or center of the pizza. We will label that the "equilateral edge" option. Or, by employing the second technique, your resultant product will yield 6 slices with crust and 6 slices devoid of exposed dough edge. It is recommended that you poll your guests, presenting the benefits and drawbacks of each option. A PowerPoint presentation is highly recommended, in the unlikely event there are non-mathematicians in your group, unaccustomed to visualizing basic geometry theory.

Rank stack choice voting could result in…

SOUND: RECORD SCRATCH.

You know what? Originally I was choosing between two stories for this last Pizza Friday entry for 2021 Dog Days. I clearly made the wrong choice. So, may I introduce to you…

The "Pizza Pocket" hoodie. Invented by New Jersey resident Mike Hourani, this stylish garment is highlighted by a giant pizza slice graphic on the front -- a good-old triangular pizza slice, with the crust edge up. But that bold illustration hides a secret. Unzip the zipper at the top and you'll find a hidden, wedge-shaped pocket. Inside is a food-grade insulated pouch.

That's right,