Today Pastor Dale concluded our series on Emotionally Healthy Relationships, talking with us about how to fight like peacemakers. We've all been mentored in some way around conflict. It comes from places like our family of origin and others who've had an influence on our lives. For many of us, we've learned to manage conflict in the following ways.

• Keep silent about it and within it

• Feel ashamed that things bother you

• Shame others that they don’t measure up

In most situations, we use these things to attempt to “Keep the Peace” instead of truly “Making Peace.” We bring these experiences into our personal, community, work, and church relationships. Peacemaking often causes waves, which can feel like a storm, but the end result is calm waters not just on the surface, but down into the depths as well. 

Pastor Dale shared practical steps to “fight with the purpose of making peace.”

1. Ask for permission then start with “I notice…"
2. State why it is important to you. “I value…”
3. Fill in the following sentence. “When you do this I feel…”
4. State your request clearly, respectfully, and specifically. “I would like you to…"
5. Listener: Consider the request. In a few sentences, share your feelings and perspective. Speaker: Agree to the request or offer an alternative. Listener responds.
6. If needed, write your agreement and set a date to address it again in a few weeks.

The above may seem like a lot of work. The truth is, it is. The end result is worth the effort as we learn to not only make peace but in doing so, love one another well. The measure of spiritual maturity is the level at which we love one another. How we go through conflict with others reveals all of our emotional health and spiritual maturity.