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Today we're continuing our series on self-awareness by focusing on accepting responsibility for ourselves. All of ourselves. Every bit of it.

Isn't it ironic that most of us want more control over our lives, but when we're faced with accepting control we sometimes would rather defer to something else, or somebody else? Right now we're going to do our best to change that. We can at least get started and if we keep it up, we can make this a permanent change.

That doesn't mean we're isolated, alone or solely responsible for everything. It's not the minimization of others. Truth is, it's doing right by others because it helps us stop blaming others for things we can (and should) control.

Years ago a guy here in Dallas, William Oncken, wrote a book entitled, "Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?" It's really a book about delegation and getting things done, but there's an underlying subtext of ownership. Taking ownership of the work can kill our ability to delegate. On the flipside, when it comes to our own lives, we must take ownership. In this case, delegation is tantamount to believing we're the victim so we give ownership or our problem to somebody else. The problem? That means we surrender ownership of changing our situation to somebody else, too.
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  - Eleanor Roosevelt

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”  - Theodore Roosevelt

“The final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”
- Anne Frank
Step 1  You Must Be Done With Excuses

This is an enormous variable in our lives. Some of us hit a point quickly when we get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Others of us delay and embrace being sick and tired.

Seems to me one of the distinctions between the two - and something that can contribute to how long we stay comfortable with our excuses - is the value or benefit derived from living with excuses. The notable value I see is attention. Some people garner more attention (because they seek it) for suffering. They enjoy the sympathy others express toward them. If that sympathy stops, they forge ahead into some new problem that can stir up new sympathy. They're hooked on the attention so they fall in love with their excuses. Without those, the sympathy river dries up.

Ask yourself, "Do I want to be seen as a victim or as a person in control of their life?"

Victims even answer it as you'd expect. We all want to be seen as people in control and command of our lives. But...

With victims it's conditional. When things go well, they want credit. When they don't, they need an excuse.

This is hard because logic and reason don't often enter into it. Emotions take over. Feelings, which we've likely had for a long time, are hard to change. That's why I've urged us all to change what we're doing in order to help change how we feel - and what we believe.

Question: What value do YOU provide others by embracing your excuses? How do your excuses make you bring higher value to the people who surround you?

Finish it. For once, be brave and answer it as fully as you can. Here's what you'll discover. Your excuses serve somebody, but they don't serve everybody. Only one person derives anything from them. And even though the excuses feel like a positive because people feel sad or so...