Consumerism isn’t just about buying products. It’s also about buying ideas, notions, suggestions and advice. I know. Because I’m in what some call “the advice giving” business. But that’s not at all what I do.
Most of us are surrounded by people who should us. “You should,” is very often the beginning of the sentence we hear after sharing some challenge or opportunity with others. And before we can throw rocks at them, we have to be mindful that we do the exact same thing to them.
Linkedin, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and other social interaction platforms are filled every minute with platitudes, advice and wisdom telling us how to behave, manage, lead, work and live. For those of us who read – my hand is in the air – massive volumes of words are published annually exhorting us to embrace a variety of ideas, concepts and strategies to achieve higher performance. I’ve contributed my fair share to the noise. Are podcasts your thing? Mine, too. Millions of hours of podcasts and video are produced cheerleading, coaching, teaching, exhorting and admonishing us to do this, avoid doing that and try this other thing. The noise that surrounds us is growing louder every day, adding to the collective wisdom of how we’re not doing what we should…and urging us to change.
Late last year I began to collaborate with Leo Bottary, co-author of the book THE POWER OF PEERS. We launched a new podcast, YEAR OF THE PEER, featuring Leo’s tagline, “Who you surround yourself with matters.” One of the guests some months ago was Scott Mordell, CEO of YPO, a peer advisory company that helps young entrepreneurs join forces to elevate their own performance, and help each other do the same. During that interview Scott commented that so many situations exist in our lives where people “should us.” They tell us what they think we ought to do. Under his leadership YPO has focused on avoiding that, instead choosing rather to concentrate on sharing experiences so members can learn from one another. It’s a dramatic, but perhaps subtle shift in thinking and learning. Some have called it documenting versus preaching or telling.
Years of coaching professionals – mostly with a focus on leadership – taught me that questions are vastly superior to the process. As opposed to directives, suggestions or any other variation of advice. Helping people think through the things they needed to think through always seemed to me to be the best form of service. Mostly because my clients aren’t me. And I’m not them. It always seemed inappropriate to impose myself on clients, or to inject myself in their situations. This is their life. Their career. Along with it, are their fears, concerns, worries and anxieties.
I’m a lifelong reader and learner. The fact that you’re here suggests you likely are, too. I enjoy hearing of the experiences and expertise of others. The stories are often compelling, sometimes moving. And I work to figure out what I’m able to use for my situation.
I know why things are as they are. Many people want to be told what they should do. They may lament, “I don’t want anybody telling me what to do” or “I’m tired of people telling me what to do.” But the fact that so many people are attempting to tell us what we should do likely speaks to the desire many people have to just be told. I think I know why. It feels easier. Simpler. It’s why we love those clickbait headlines, “10 Things You Can Do To Get The Job Of Your Dreams.” We want simple, easy – done for me – solutions.
Life is more complex. Our history littered with scars, hurt and pain. Our heads often filled with the racket of past failures and missed opportunities. Our lives are anything but quiet.
Then, we go adding to that.