Hi friends! Today I’m chatting with my friend Wendy Petricoff of Charlotte Parenting Solutions. Wendy is a mom, small business owner and all around amazing woman. We were connected when George and I were at our wits end with parenting our two little girls and good gracious, I am so glad our paths crossed! It is not at all an exaggeration when I tell you that Wendy changed how we parent! Parenting is definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had and I am SO excited that she is here to share a little wisdom and guidance.

Wendy started her entrepreneurial journey as a process of self discovery. She went on a big family trip to the beach when her oldest child was two years old and her mom, in no uncertain terms, informed her that her tiny little tirant was ruling their family! She couldn’t get my arms around how she wanted to parent so she resolved to absorb every ounce of knowledge that she could.

When it was time for Wendy to go back to work, she approached her friends and asked them what she was good at and what she should pursue. Every single one of them said they always come to her for parenting advice! So that’s where her journey truly began. She started by setting up a parenting workshop at their preschool and quickly moved to small group and private sessions and eventually online. And that is where our paths crossed!

Wendy is now certified in Love and Logic Parenting and has a developed quite a resource for parents to help them navigate the world of parenting.

In today’s episode, I’m going to be asking my burning parenting questions and I hope that Wendy’s answers will give you actionable steps to immediately implement and make your parenting journey a little easier.

How do I get my kids to listen?

If you tell them once, and they don’t do it, don’t tell them again. Just take care of business. Bring in consequences, set limits and assure them that we will follow through in a loving way.  Remind them that “If you can’t take care of it, we will!”

My older daughter LOVES to be in control and hates it when she doesn’t have control. What do I do?

Control is a big deal, it means that your kids are trying to assert their independence. Set ways to share control in a way that includes everyone. When we command kids that need control, we send them into fight or flight and then nobody wins. Bring in choices, family meetings and redirections to make them feel like they have control.

How have you seen parenting evolve since you’ve started coaching?

Gone are the days of children being seen and not heard! Parents and children are now more connected than ever which can make kids feel more comfortable around their parents. The downside of this is that they tend to be more disrespectful of their authority. The key is that you keep those lines of communication open in a respectful way.

Have you seen a shift in gender roles in parenting?

There has been a huge shift in parenting in the last 5 years with dads stepping to the forefront. We still have a ways to go, but the shared balance of parenting responsibility is growing. It’s very encouraging to see and it gives each of the parents an opportunity to care for themselves as well as for their children.

What is the most important thing you can do for yourself as a parent?

Self care! You cannot pour from an empty cup. Remember to ask yourself what YOU need, not just what your child needs. Build in transitions into your day. You need a little bit of space to make those transitions. Set your alarm for 10 minutes before your kids walk in the door. Get your mind and heart right, get yourself a snack. Make a list of the things that make you feel good that you can do to refuel yourself.

There has been so much talk about kids and social media. What is your take on it?

We have to be good role models when it comes to social media and technology use. If you don’t want kids using phones at meals, don’t bring your phone to the table. If you don’t want your teenager to use their phone in the driver's seat, put yours in the back seat! Make technology and social media use part of the normal family discussion. Get input from your kids too. Don’t command. Share control with the kids. Our phones keep us connected to those far away, but disconnects us with the people who are closest to us.

What is a limit that you could put on yourself to help break yourself from your technology addiction?

No technology at the dinner table, ever. Set a cut off time for your kid’s phones. Create a wind-down time between the end of technology use and bed time.

How have you seen social media affecting children? In how they interact and their social well being?

Nothing gets left behind. It used to be that any drama that would happen at school would get left at school. Now it's constantly accessible. They need a healthy break from the interactions with their peers to get recentered. It raises their stress and anxiety levels. They are always on high alert.

As a parent, what would you say to the parents of middle and high schoolers with regards to social media use and the stress that comes from it?

Our kids need our help setting limits. Kids do not necessarily have the ability to self regulate. It needs to start as a conversation, not commands from a dictator. What is our family going to look like? What do our social media limits look like? What can we do to help with the anxiety and the stress? Provide your kids with the tools to help them relax...a healthy bedtime, exercise, mindfulness, etc.

What is something you’d recommend to parents that helps them develop responsibility?

Chores are the secret to success. They need to be involved with the day to day contribution of the family unit. Kids need to feel needed in their family. Chores actually help build self esteem. In order to develop a list of chores that works for your family, answer the following quesitons. What fits in your home? What is age appropriate for your child? What is manageable for your family unit?

What are the best resources for parenting?

Foster Cline and Jim Fay: Love and Logic

Dr Wendy Mogul: Blessing of the Skinned Knee

Dr. Laura Marcum: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

Dr. Dan Siegel: The Whole Brain Child

What are you looking forward to in your business? What is coming up on the horizon?

More online classes launching soon! My goal is to empower parents to feel calm, confident and credible.

Where can everyone find you?

Charlotte Parenting Solutions on Facebook and charlotteparentingsolutions.com

About Wendy:

I have the BEST job in the world! I get to make parents lives easier by working hand in hand to develop a solid parenting plan. When my first child was two, I discovered, while on a beach vacation with my sisters and parents, that I needed parenting help. Yep. They didn’t hold back and told me that I needed some parenting skills. My little two-year old tyrant had complete control of my family. I like to call myself a recovering ‘didn’t have a clue what to do parent’. That was where my journey began…and 15 years later I am extremely grateful because I have been able to parent my 16 & 18 year old children in a way that I feel really good about.

I have taken the time and studied up on all the best tools and techniques to help me raise two great kids and now I LOVE sharing all I’ve learned with you! I want parents to feel confident, calm, connected and credible! I help you address misbehavior in a loving way so you can raise kids who are responsible and FUN to be around (mostly!). I invite you to reach out to me and we’ll find the best way to work together, whether it’s private sessions or a workshop perfectly tailored to your families needs.