Have you ever wanted something so bad, but you couldn’t get it? Have you ever desperately longed for something to change, but it still wasn’t changing? Your whole body begins to ache. When there’s this one thing you truly want but it’s left unfulfilled, eventually even the good areas of your life have a dark heaviness over them. When what you’re hoping for isn’t happening, you hurt. That’s natural. You’re human.

Have you ever done something you knew wasn’t right, but it was the only way you had a chance of getting what you wanted? You cheated. You twisted things. You ran right through the caution tape and ignored every red flag. You rushed it. You forced it. You got your way. And your way ended up being a mess. You were temporarily happy, then sorely disappointed.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, and a sick heart is very susceptible to bad choices. Desperation is not a place from which to make plans for the future. Desperation is a place for your knees to hit the floor and seek God. Your heart cannot be trusted here, but God’s can.

Let’s continue our study of the book of Genesis, picking up in chapter 16. Abram and Sarai are now in their 70’s and 80’s and they’ve never had children. Back then, being barren was a social stigma. You were looked at with curious eyes, wondering why you were being punished. If you weren’t blessed with children for your lineage, then surely you were cursed. Cursed for what, became the question everyone had when they looked at you. Surely you had some sort of hidden sin, some sort of disobedience to bring this deep shame upon you.

Everyone knew Abram and Sarai had prayed for a baby, and as the years went on and on and on, it was an added shame to know God wasn’t answering them. Sarai felt cheated. She felt punished for some unknown sin she didn’t know how to fix. All she had hoped for was a baby, and now at 76 years old, her heart had grown sick from all that hope being deferred. Waiting and waiting until now, all hope was gone. It was too late.

Hopeless. Heart broken. Sick-hearted. Desperate. And susceptible to any idea that might fix her problem and change the situation. Again, this is a dangerous place to be.

So Sarai gets an idea. An idea born from a sick heart. Genesis 16: 1-2, “Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, ‘The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.'”

That’s a broken sick heart talking. That’s an idea born from a place of brokenness. And it was a bad idea.

Abram sleeps with his wife’s servant, and that woman does become pregnant. What follows is straight out of a Jerry Springer episode. Chaos. Drama. Division. Jealousy. Disaster.

Why? Because a sick and hurting heart was bearing ideas and making the decisions.

If you’re in a place of dark hopelessness, hurting because what you’ve wanted simply isn’t happening, please know this – God wants to hold your heart. He wants to heal your heart that has become sick from the continual delay of what you’ve been hoping for. And he CAN HEAL THIS. Somehow, someway, he will make this okay.

Psalm 147:3, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” We are the sheep and he is the good Shepherd. We desperately need him to bandage our wounds and heal our hearts. If your leg were broken, I wouldn’t judge you because you’re walking with a limp. So my sister, if your heart is broken, there’s no judgment for past choices made in your hurt. There’s healing for that.

You can trust God with this. You can trust his plan. You can trust his way. You can trust his timing.

You can’t trust your own. Not when your heart is sick and hurting.

Can you believe that could be true for you? Could you receive God’s measureless grace to fill these holes and somehow bless you in this reality?

God’s grace is his undeserved favor, love and divine assistance. It’s his involvement in the details of your life. God’s grace makes impossible things possible, it makes dark things to be filled with his light, it turns Hell’s intended harm into Heaven’s good. Grace turns barren wombs into future mothers, long waits into destined timelines, broken relationships into stories of redemption, and sick hearts into a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.

My sister, whatever you’re waiting on, whatever you’ve been hoping for for so long, GOD HAS GRACE FOR THAT. If you will surrender it all to God, he will fill your heart with his immeasurable grace. You will be supernaturally strengthened. You will find joy again. And your heart will be healed.

But if you don’t surrender it, you will likely have a heart that grows more and more sick and you will make your decisions from that sick, broken heart. And you will create messes.

God isn’t going to force you to trust him with this, but he’s hoping you will.

There was a promise spoken over Abram and Sarai—a promise that their descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky—and it was fulfilled in God’s divine timing. God wasn’t in a rush. He never is. He holds all eternity, he sees the end from the beginning and he’s not at all stressed about a few more passing years. We are – he’s not.

Sarai’s heart was so sick from her deferred hope, that she concocted a really bad idea in impatience and forced the timing on God’s promise. And guess what – our timing is never better than God’s. EVER. Our way is not the best way. Our plans are embarrassingly bad compared to his. God had a miracle planned – Sarai had a sleeping arrangement planned.

I don’t know what you have planned – but please know God has a miracle planned for you instead. Don’t get in his way. Don’t let your sad, broken heart make decisions here. Surrender all that hurt, all that disappointment, all that hopelessness over at the feet of the Lord. And it’s probably not a one time surrender. It’s an again and again surrender.

Every time you think you’re going to go out and find that man yourself – surrender.

Every time you think you’re going to just force the deal and make it happen – surrender.

Every time you think you’re going to just say something yourself – surrender.

Every time you think you’re going to drop the hints harder – surrender.

Every time you think you can make this work with your own power – surrender.

Every time you think you need to rush this – surrender.

Lord, I want your plan more than I want my plan. I don’t trust my own feelings here because my heart has become sick. I need your touch. I need you to heal this heart that has been broken in the wait. I desire your miracle over my idea.

That’s what surrender looks like.

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