This morning, the Lord hit me with a revelation of his word that left me in absolute awe. It just makes so much sense and I can’t believe I never saw this before. This revelation is new and fresh to me, so I may stumble my way through sharing it with you. My prayer is that you will hear God loud and clear as well and receive precisely what you need for where you are on your journey.

We all have something we’re waiting on – something that’s taking too long. Something that’s not getting better so you’re getting discouraged. Something that still hurts when you just don’t want to hurt anymore. Something that you desperately want to change, but it’s just been continuing, so to self-protect you’ve disconnected.

Do you see how you’ve done that? You’ve distanced yourself in this wait because the constant struggle just eats at you. So, you’ve separated yourself from what your heart most desires so that your heart won’t be continually hurt.

If it’s your marriage, you’ve distanced yourself so that his refusal to change won’t be so painful. If it’s your wayward child, you’ve disconnected from their chaos because otherwise it will just break you. If it’s infertility, you stopped getting your hopes up because every passing month without getting pregnant is like a slap in the face. What’s your story? We all have one.

This is precisely what I’ve done. I have something in my life that I’ve been waiting 6 years on. It’s my youngest daughter. For 6 years she’s been away from our family. Disconnected. Wandering. Struggling. Suffering.

This prolonged disconnect has created a roller coaster ride in my life of ups filled with hope of re-connection, then downs filled with deafening silence and rejection. And I realize to protect myself, I’ve just stopped trying so hard. I’ve released her in a sense of trust in God, but I’ve also kinda given up in a sense of hopelessness. You know why? Because I don’t want to hurt anymore.

Can you relate? When the years just keep passing without the change you desire, the discouragement seeps into your soul and you disconnect. They can’t hurt you so bad if you don’t care about them so much. That failed dream of yours can’t crush you if you just give up on it and let it go.

Distance. It’s what we do. We distance ourselves.

We literally create our own wilderness.

Now, here’s what God showed me this morning: You know how God’s people were given a promise of a future land they would posses? They were promised they wouldn’t suffer forever in the land of Egypt where they were slaves. They would live in freedom and blessings. They would be surrounded by goodness in an abundance. It was a promise over their lives. God had it waiting for them. Aligned. Destined.

But on their journey from Egypt to their land of promise, they had to go through the wilderness. The wilderness was NOT what the children of God were expecting. It was a disappointment to their weary souls. The journey was hard.

And just when they were exhausted and regretting even trying to leave Egypt, they learned the land they were trying to possess was filled with giant people who would certainly fight them. And this is when they gave up.

They began telling themselves they didn’t really want the land God had promised them that bad. In their disappointment, they distanced themselves from the hope of a better future. They disconnected from the whole purpose of staying in the fight.

That’s precisely what we do.

Isn’t that what you’ve done? You’ve disconnected. You’ve told yourself you don’t want it that bad. In your disappointment, you’ve distanced yourself from the hope you once had. And you know what that does? That builds walls.

Walls protect us from getting hurt – but walls also hold us hostage where we are.

My sister, God wants you to hear loud and clear from him right now: WHERE YOU ARE IS NOT WHERE YOU HAVE TO STAY. God is not finished here. There’s more for you. There are promises that still stand over you and your family.

Do you know what God calls that ‘give up spirit’ that wants to disconnect from his promises when it gets too hard and too disappointing? He calls it rebellion. In your own feelings and your own mode of self-protection, you rebel. You go your own way. Your own way that protects your heart. Your own way that doesn’t get your hopes up anymore. Your own way that shrinks back behind walls. That’s rebellion.

Numbers chapter 14 in my Bible is titled “The People Rebel”. These were God’s people who had been miraculously freed from Egypt and led by the very hand of God through impossible seas and a harsh wilderness. They had been fed daily by God in astounding ways. God had sustained them. He had provided.

But it was still hard. It was still a long journey. It was still scary. And when they got to their breaking point of discouragement, they decided they didn’t want God’s promise for them bad enough to keep going. They wanted to turn back.

Verse 1-4, “Then the whole community began weeping aloud, and they cried all night. Their voices rose in a great chorus of protest against Moses and Aaron. ‘If only we had died in Egypt, or even here in the wilderness!’ they complained. ‘Why is the Lord taking us to this country only to have us die in battle? Our wives and our little ones will be carried off as plunder! Wouldn’t it be better for us to return to Egypt?’ Then they plotted among themselves, ‘Let’s choose a new leader and go back to Egypt.'”

That’s what disconnect looks like. I don’t want God’s promise that bad – this is too hard – it’s taking too long – I just don’t want to hurt anymore – so I’m turning back. I’ll just go back to not needing anything different. I’ll go back to doing what I’ve always done. Because in our mind, going back is easier that the pain of hoping for more.

God calls that rebellion. And when we continually rebel, God eventually responds. Verse 20-23, The Lord says, “I will pardon them, BUT not one of these people will ever enter that land. They have all seen my glorious presence and the miraculous signs I performed both in Egypt and in the wilderness, but again and again they have tested me by refusing to listen to my voice. They will never even see the land I swore to give their ancestors.”

This whole pretending like you don’t care because you’re disappointed is NOT going to help you. This whole disconnecting because you’ve been hurt is NOT going to get you where you want to go. God says, “I’ve shown you I’m here with you, now stay with me in this.”

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”

Repeat after me: I’m hurt, but I’m not giving up! I’m disappointed, but I’m not turning back. This sucks, but I’m not building walls. I will not disconnect. I will not rebel against God. If he has it for me, I still want it!!!!!

Yes, say that to God now. God, if you have it for me, I still want it!

Have you given up on your Promised Land because the journey there has been entirely harder than you imagined? Honey, God’s calling you back to his promises. His promises for you still stand. Do you still want them?

Nehemiah 4:14 is a scripture I repeat to myself daily after my prayer time. Maybe this is for you today. “Don’t be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your homes!” Translation – FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY. FIGHT FOR THE PROMISES GOD HAS GIVEN YOU. FIGHT FOR THE DESIRES HE HAS PLACED WITHIN YOUR HEART.

Don’t disconnect. Don’t allow this distance. It’s time to reengage in the fight for what God has given you and promised you.

Do you still want it?

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