Today we are talking about culture and how it relates to what I call the “soft words” of corporate. I’ve touched on some of these before, but I’m coming at it from this angle because it continues to be relevant, clients are still talking about it on the daily, and, also, because I love this stuff.

I also find it amusing that I speak so much on these topics given my background in finance, where “love” or “vulnerability” were replaced with F bombs.

We’ve all heard that culture eats strategy for breakfast. And it appears to be a nugget that many organizations continue to struggle with addressing. There is a breakdown from a macro, values-driven charter in an organization and the micro, individual interactions that people have in their day to day work.

I’ll be direct – I recognize that at first blush, many often interpret soft words and terms like Forgiveness, Love, Vulnerability, Psychological Safety as weak. I get it – I see it in my client’s faces when I discuss it with them. However, after speaking through this with them, they very quickly see the strength and power that comes from adopting them.

Our insecurities, on an individual level, convince us that other people will see us as weak if we are vulnerable, if we forgive, or share some kind of “work-appropriate” emotional component at the office. We feel it would be a crack in our power armor, and one that impacts our ability to succeed.

However, when I think of leaders who are effective; those who impress me and I wish to emulate there is a consistent theme. It isn’t based on perceived power – it’s the fact that they appear comfortable in their shoes and are comfortable with themselves.

I often talk about my time in finance, especially working in communications during the financial crisis of 2007 (stress, anyone?). I see a lot of similarities then to what we are beginning to experience now. Those executives I worked with fifteen years ago that were most successful, and survived the “down economy” were the ones who had this figured out.

Why it matters

We spend crazy dollars to bring in expertise, and yet we don’t invest the same money and effort in creating and driving an environment in which they can be themselves. We don’t want to hire insecure people, yet there is some aspect of insecurity in all we do. I know it – because I’ve both dealt with it myself and have constant conversations about it with clients.

Recognizing that insecurity is a cost of doing business, we as leaders need to be the example in helping people learn how to articulate their challenges (many of which are emotional) and work through them in a logical and productive way.

How it manifests

You may have heard me drive home the “macro change requires a focus on micro you.” This is the same – there is a personal component. Since these words are driven by insecurity – we must teach individuals to address it.

In manifesting these words, philosophies and behaviors, we have to make them our own. We need to articulate what they mean to us, internalize and then test new behaviors that are authentic to us. And this is where most change management programs fail – we speak about the general values we want our employees to espouse, yet stop short of welcoming the testing phase of how people can make it about them.

This is an incredibly uncomfortable exercise and risk for us to take; after all, we are dealing with our personal insecurities. But the only way to differentiate and evolve is to address them head on. Pick your word, explore it, test it, practice it. You will appreciate it and it will pay dividends.

And that is ultimately what we are looking to teach and manifest in our employees. We want people who are secure in their decisions, abilities and questions. We all have challenges and problems; but if we want to teach people how to survive the new economy, “leaning into” individual security is where our focus, learning and development should lie.

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Welcome to bellwether. Thank you for joining this week. We, um, we’re gonna talk about soft words today. The soft words that every culture, an organization and individual says we need to have yet, nobody actually wants it to manifest in a realistic way. Uh, and it’s, um, it’s high time. We did it. It’s high time. We, we chatted about it. I’ve talked a little bit about previously on the podcast, psychological safety and how, when I mention it to clients, they roll their eyes and they say, that’s the weakest sounding thing in the face of the planet. But when you explain what it is, they say, well, yeah, of course that’s, that’s the culture we want. Of course we want that, uh, two weeks ago, three weeks ago, um, we had the people from the forgiving app talking about the word forgiveness and how they’re bringing forgiveness into the workplace, which is such also a soft word I asked ’em about that.It sounds like such a soft word. And, and they talked about how it’s such a strong word and how the people who can own it are the ones that are really the most productive and the strongest, uh, among us. So, uh, it was a really good perspective on that. I encourage you to listen to it. So I feel a little funny talking through this one, but these topics need to be said, these soft words, like forgiveness, love this love vulnerability, psychological safety. I’m having these conversations a lot right now with clients on an individual, on an individual basis, right? People aren’t really talking about it from a culture wide. They’re talking about what we need to do, but not how it manifests. The conversations I’m having are with individuals on how they can make it real for themselves. They don’t want to be perceived as weak.That’s the first response. When we talk about any of these words, I don’t want to be perceived as being weak. I’m giving up, uh, people are gonna walk all over me, right? The culture doesn’t allow for that. But what I, when I explain it to them and we talk through it, they realize that there’s a lot of power that comes with controlling these words and taking ownership of these words. Um, humility always comes through for some reason, humility. It’s okay for people to say humility. And, you know, I’m, I’m humble and trying to be humble, but I, I feel like that’s insecurity coming through where they’re just, it’s a roundabout way of saying I’m just too confident and I need to remain humble in some kind of BS, whatever, trying to, you know, it’s like one of those humble brags about how amazing and confident you are, and you’re just trying to temper yourself.So I don’t really include humility in this, even though though people say it, but the, the words and the reason I’m talking to people about this and the, and when we talk about culture, we talk about an organization. We talk about how they want to foster these cultures that have, and embrace these words. And I’m gonna talk about why they’re important and, and how to manifest it. But, um, these individual individuals have to make it real. Okay. And that’s one of the difficult macro micro things about organizational culture is, you know, when we talk about these,These philosophies that we want, and, and this is the culture that we want, and these are the values we have and all of these things, but it has to manifest on a micro individual way, right? An individual has to make it real. And why that’s the case is because these words, vulnerability, forgiveness, uh, love, right? All of these are the ones that are just top of mind right now, but there are so many others they’re driven by. And the reason people don’t embrace them is it’s insecurity, right? We’re afraid that people are going to perceive us as weak. It’s this imposter syndrome. We are not up to the task. We’re not an authoritative leader. Uh, we’re not dictating what it is. And, and there’s this, you know, manifest or, or this, just this bundle of, of garbage that comes around all of these words. And I attribute it to we’re being told what leadership is all of the time we’re being told what people are supposed to do.We’re being told all of these things on what a leader is. They’re authoritative they’re decision making. They lead people follow. Um, and that’s not right. It’s just not, you know, it’s, it, it doesn’t, it doesn’t, it doesn’t work. <laugh> it just doesn’t work. Now, these words, when I was talking to the forgiving people, um, these words I told ’em the story about when I was becoming a coach and I was studying to be a coach at Columbia, um, and great program top tiered individuals. Uh, and when I say top tier, like heads of HR and, and businesses at major brands, like these were people who in from Brazil, Australia, like it was, it was legit. It was a, a legit group of people. And I was learning just as much from them as I was from, from the actual program, but the word love was being thrown around so much.And I come from finance. Okay. You don’t use words like that. Like you use the F word in finance, that’s it like, that’s you, you drop the F bomb to accentuate what you’re trying to say, and you dictate and everybody goes and does what they’re supposed to do. So it was, it was a little odd, you know, I’m looking around like, you know, people using these words, but I, I started to embrace it throughout the few weeks that I was in this where it, it actually had real meaning. And what I had learned was, you know, my interpretation of these words and the way I thought other people would interpret it was wrong. Right. And it was amazing how productive the room was when people just matter of faculty use these terms. Like it was, you know, the love of each other and humankind and forgiveness and vulnerability.And what does that actually mean? And, um, when I think of leaders, the ones that I wish to emulate, the ones that I see are incredibly effective. Um, the ones that impress me, the consistent theme, isn’t power. I don’t see them as you know, I wouldn’t describe them as powerful because they don’t exude that crazy kind of, you know, misinterpretation of power, right? The way we think about power. Um, the thing that makes me admire good leaders and the, and these are the best leaders, they appear to be comfortable with themselves. They appear to be comfortable in their own shoes. And when we think about using these words, that’s what we’re talking about. They’re secure in their decisions. They’re secure in their abilities. They, they have challenges. They have problems, just like all of us. Uh, they recognize that nobody has their together at all.Like nobody’s got it. And so if you have to lean into something, lean into yourself and your capability and what you’re aware of and embracing the fact that you don’t have it, you leverage the people around you. If there’s something you don’t have somebody else does, and you partner with them to accomplish whatever it is that you need to do once you hit a certain level in an organization and people don’t tell you this. So I’ll tell it to you. It’s the ex your expertise gets you up to a certain point. But once you hit a certain level, it’s not about the expertise that you as an individual bring, it’s the expertise that the people around you bring and that you can leverage. And it’s what those people bring to the table. It’s your cohort that, that it’s the people you can get to rally.And we do this by recognizing our own limitations and then pushing through it in a unique way. So when we think about vulnerability love, and, and we’ll talk about the culture stuff, why they’re important, because there’s this internal, external thing on, you have to be secure enough with yourself to embrace those words and do those words and, and, um, recognize what vulnerability is, what forgiveness actually is. But then there’s also, how do you drive that culture in other people and get them to see it and recognize it for the powerful self control that it is the powerful, you know, you’ve explored yourself and you’re comfortable with who you are. You’re comfortable with being wrong. You’re comfortable with all of these things because you recognize your own individual value. So when we think about the soft words of corporate culture, it starts at the top comes all the way down, but how do you get people comfortable with embracing those types of words?So let’s talk a little bit about why they’re important. We spend in organizations, crazy amount of dollars to bring in expertise. You are paying so much money to bring in these people who are supposed to be experts. Uh, we want them, we want their perspectives. When we talk about diversity inclusion, all of these things, we want those perspectives. That’s the value of diversity and inclusion and equity in all of these things. It’s the right perspectives at the right decision making level to make your organization better, to make more robust decisions. That’s what people are talking about. It’s not a numbers game on how many people of this and how many people of that and everything else. It’s not, that’s not what it is. It’s often misinterpreted that way, but that’s not what it is when we bring in those people though, we get that perspective.And so we’re spending all of this money bringing in the expertise, but if we haven’t given them the opportunity, opportunity to voice that perspective, the opportunity to say they don’t know. I’m curious about that as well. That’s a great question rather than, you know, you have to be the expert and tell us, and if you’re not doing it, you know, that’s one of the big challenges that corporations have is we’re spending so much money. These people aren’t executing because we haven’t given them the opportunity to execute. We haven’t created this environment where they can express their new ideas, their thoughts, they have to follow whatever your particular format is. And it doesn’t necessarily always fit. And that’s a challenge. And, and a lot of people are aware of this. This isn’t a new idea. A lot of leaders are aware of it. A lot of HR programs are aware of it, learning and development is aware of it, but they’re kind of following the old script.They haven’t quite ripped the bandaid on this new economy, new way that we have to create a culture and learning and development in particular like learning and development, talent development is, needs to be completely reinvented. Okay. Call me by the way, call me, cuz I’ll tell you how to do it. Um, it’s not PowerPoint presentations. Um, it’s God, it’s not PowerPoint presentations. It’s not compliance training. It’s not this old way that, you know, but anyway, that’s a different topic for a different day. Um, but people follow example and they follow it at the top. And when I think about robust leaders, it’s not about sharing everything, right? It’s not about being vulnerable and, and all that. It’s about teaching people to find a way to express their feelings in a productive work way. Okay. So when we think about work, you got logic and emotion.We as individuals align our self worth with our work product. So when you attack our work product, because something wasn’t up to snuff or whatever we get defensive, right. Uh, and, and how do you get them to articulate? It’s not me that you’re attacking. It’s, it’s, you’re attacking the work and that’s great and I can make it better. And how do you make this a productive environment? So I can talk about whatever we have to train people, how to have these difficult conversations, where they’re comfortable with themselves, but separating themselves from the issue at hand.I don’t wanna hire someone who’s insecure. Okay. That’s it. I mean, that’s, when I think about the criteria of who I’m gonna hire in my organization insecurity, I could find that really quickly in my interviews. I could find that incredibly, incredibly quickly. And if you look back on some of my clients, I’ve blown up, uh, certain processes and, and things just because it just can’t. For some reason, I draw this out. People I draw in security, out of people and they get very defensive and uncomfortable, which is not always a good thing, but it’s very good for the business. Um, but I want them to be able to articulate those insecurities and challenges and work through them in a logical way. Okay. And I’ll work with people on that. People I hire, I will work with them on that a hundred percent. Right. Recognize it for what it is now.I’m not gonna sit there and call ’em insecure and everything, but we, we know it. So a lot of organizations are trying to embrace this thing called radical transparency. We want everyone to be open to say all of these things and that’s good. Uh, but it’s misinterpreted. It’s not really set up the right way in a lot of ways, uh, because there’s a civility and manners component that people don’t quite have people promoting radical transparency are a little too blunt. Um, they don’t quite have the civility aspect down to make that really productive. But when, when we think about why it’s important and, and creating this environment for people to articulate separate and articulate those emotions from logic, from how to talk through and giving them an avenue to talk through it and not in this like whiny way, but in a productive work way.So that people say, oh yeah, I dealt with that too. And here’s how I did it. And maybe here are a couple of ideas and, and making it okay to talk about these soft words, your organizational productivity is going to skyrocket it. Your cost of hiring new people will plummet because these people have figured out a way to work in your cultural environment. You’re not gonna have to, you’re not gonna have this turnover that always happens. So how do we manifest it? This is why it’s important is you don’t, you know, you want to, you’re investing in these people. People is an, it’s an expense, right? It’s an expense and you’re paying them for their time for some value out of that. Okay. And how do we create, uh, an environment to do that? And how does it manifest? And of course I said before, it starts at the top, uh, but it’s a macro challenge that has to focus on individuals.There’s a personal component because it’s driven by insecurity. So words like vulnerability love, um, you know, feelings, people just don’t even use the word feelings. Mental health is becoming this, you know, thing of just whatever it is. It’s not actually being dealt with in an appropriate way, because there’s an emotional component to it. So a leader in their own skin who’s comfortable in their own skin can do it. And so how are you taking your leadership team to learn how to articulate things like vulnerability and forgiveness and everything else, by the way, I have a program on that, call me <laugh>. But when people see you double down on your insecurities, they see how fragile you crack that already fragile vision, right? So when you, you’re, you’re driven by insur and you’re vulner. You’re not really embracing the vulnerability. And, and you’re trying to hide it by being loud, boisterous, whatever it is, we’ve got these stress mechanisms and, and we can identify them.We know what they are, and we, once people know what your insecure defense mechanisms are, your cracked window shatters, right. You’ve lost your authority. And so, um, and, and this is, this is a male and female problem. Okay. I want, I wanna know this. It’s not, you know, I, I talk about this macho BS, right. And people think about men right away and doing it. And it’s a real male problem, but it’s very much a female problem as well. So it’s both, um, when we think about these soft words, it’s funny, you think about the soft words and people have an image of women, which is crazy, right? Because they’re the strongest ones in the office. Typically, when we think about the macho BS that comes with, and, you know, not embracing your feelings, you’re like, oh, it’s the men, but it’s the same issue.We just have different visions based on the words that we use on who they are, it’s everybody. Okay. So in order to, to get it to manifest within your organization and to embrace it, you as a male, female, whatever, we have to define these words, we have to make them their own, our own. And then we have to teach people how to have conversations about it so they can make it their own. They have to put their personal stamps on it. So vulnerability, we’re defining it, not about sharing your, your home problems from the weekend, but, and, and all your weaknesses and everything else. But it’s about being open to the idea that you may be wrong. That’s how I define vulnerability. Okay. And how does that, how does that sit with you and how do you do that? And that’s a lot of the work we do as coaches is talking through these so that you can make it real for yourself.Love is love, right? And it’s okay to use that word. It’s about respect. Um, not in a creepy way. You don’t wanna use love in a creepy way. Of course, it’s a workplace, but you know, love for a fellow human type of work. Right. And it’s okay to say that. It’s okay to say that at work, you know, I have love for the people in this room and everything else. I would never have said that 15 years ago in finance, it sounds ridiculous. But when you say, and you open up that door, there is a human connection that we’re talking about. Forgiveness is power, recognizing what you can control and taking control of it, psychological safety, it’s this major focus for organizations defining what that is from an organization where people can talk and be open and give ideas without fear of repercussion or embarrassment or humility or humiliation, whatever it is.That’s the culture that you want when you understand what psychological safety really is. So in manifesting these, we have to take a little bit of risk as leaders, right? We have to test it out and it’s uncomfortable and it’s uncomfortable because we’re dealing with our own insecurities. But the only way to do it is to practice it. The only way to get past it is to practice it so that you’re comfortable with it. It’s the same with public speaking. It’s the same with anything else. So pick your word, vulnerability, love, whatever it is that test it and see how it is. See how it goes. If you’re leading a team, say you want to test it and have other people try it. You’ll appreciate it. It’ll pay dividends. So that’s how your soft words will pay dividends. If you start to embrace it, it takes a little bit of work. I encourage you to try it. Good luck. You want help on it? You need help on it. You want me to talk you through it? Gimme a buzz. I love this stuff. It’s uh, it’s a lot of fun, so good luck. Enjoy your week. And I’ll see everyone out there soon. Thanks.CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.