You are standing in a darkened room. Two gentlemen look eager to showcase their lack of knowledge about text adventures at you.

>RUN AWAY

You try for the door, but the two gentlemen block your exit. They seem even more eager than ever to talk about text adventures. One of them motions towards a chair in the middle of the room and says, "Take a seat."

>BEAT MAN OVER HEAD WITH CHAIR

You lunge for the chair in a too-obvious fashion. One of the gentlemen trip your feet and you fall flat on your face. As you get up and brush the dirt from your pants, he motions towards the chair again and says, "Please. Take a seat."

>COMMIT SUICIDE

You have no means of doing this, although it does seem like a preferable alternative to just about anything right now.

>TAKE A SEAT

You take a seat. The two gentlemen take a deep breath and begin talking about text adventures.

The two men have finished talking. A strange calm washes over you. You feel fulfilled, and a little light-headed. You wonder if you may have been hypnotized. One of the men smiles at you, then hands you a small ball-peen hammer.

>BASH HAMMER INTO OWN FACE

You repeatedly hit yourself in the face with the small ball-peen hammer until your nose comes lose. Feeling like you're on the right track -- and feeling no pain -- you proceed until your skull cracks and your brains ooze out of what used to be your nasal cavity.

YOU WIN. 255 POINTS OUT OF 250 POSSIBLE. THE END.