Make it Inevitable
Setting Boundaries: Not Everyone Deserves Access to You or Your Life
In this episode, I discuss setting boundaries and how not everyone deserves access to you or your life. Many of us were raised to be people-pleasers, or we have a subconscious winning strategy that causes us to contort ourselves around other people’s wants and needs. While it’s important to be kind, considerate, and caring of others, allowing anyone to access us through every available channel at any time of the day limits our ability to show up fully expressed and contribute to the world in the way that only we can. We’re too busy being everything to everyone and likely burning ourselves out in the process. We must learn to set boundaries and discern who really belongs in our lives (and deserves any level of access to us). Hint: It’s absolutely not everyone, and it’s not always people who consider us their friends, soulmates, or “right hand” because that might not be the best place for our energy.
Understand and unpack your subconscious winning strategy.
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What to listen for:
- Notice your reaction and aversion to the idea of boundaries
- Releasing our fear of abandonment and rejection
- Living in an all-access digital world is detrimental
- Unpacking our people-pleasing nature
- How our subconscious winning strategy derails us
“This can be really difficult because your sense of identity is tied to that constant feed of appreciation and praise. That constant stream of people needing something from you. Of you being the only person that can provide it or the only person that can provide it that well and that quickly. We get trapped in these cycles of overgiving, over-delivering, being everything to everyone because that’s our winning strategy. That’s how we stay safe, secure, successful.”
- Why it’s important to stop giving everyone full access
- We don’t have to be friends with people who want us as theirs
- Coming into alignment with yourself and your truth
- Learning to say ‘no’ to other people
- What boundaries are and why they matter
“Boundaries are a way that we love and respect other people and ourselves simultaneously. And sometimes loving and respecting other people and ourselves simultaneously looks like cutting them off. Only you can discern if that’s right for you. And if it’s truly right for you, it is right for them whether they see that or not because it’s not the right relationship for you. It’s not the right friendship, the romantic partnership, the professional entanglement, the project, the community, the role for you. Therefore, you are not the right person to fill it, and it is not right for them.”
- It’s okay to let go of people even when it hurts
- Examples of boundaries you might need to set
- Nobody gets to make your boundaries wrong
- Discerning if/when to make boundary exceptions
- You don’t owe people access to your life
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