Look &/or listen as my friend Pauly shares his coming out story through a 1990’s mailer created by Out Youth of Austin TX. On it are the words “Love may surprise you” with a photo of a 15 year old Pauly and his photoshoot “boyfriend” Lance.

You see Pauly was born & raised in Shiner Texas (Pop: 2,069), an hour & a half drive from Austin. Needless to say coming of age in this small town in rural Tx didn’t foster & clearly wouldn’t approve of Pauly’s growing feelings. He started having crushes on boys, knowing that he shouldn’t perhaps …. he even left notes in boys lockers as his desire to be himself increased.

Pauly’s parents had divorced when he was 10. His Mom moved to Austin. He stayed with his Dad during the school year & went to his Mom’s during school vacations & summers.

When Pauly was 14 he couldn’t deny his feelings. He realized it wasn’t safe to come out in his small town though and felt like he lived a double life. Playing straight on the outside, while being gay on the inside.

The next summer he spent with his Mom in Austin. It just so happened that she was living with an older gay gentleman. He was the only gay person Pauly knew & he decided that he just HAD to talk with him. He was so nervous he almost couldn’t speak, so he wrote a letter. He waited until his Mom went to work and then knocked on the roommates door. His heart was beating out of his chest, he KNEW there was no going back.

This gay gentleman kindly agreed to talk. He invited Pauly to sit down in the living room and after reading the note he ripped it up. He told Pauly he wouldn’t tell anyone and offered him pamphlets & brochures with local resources (pre-internet). Two that stood out were a letter exchange and Out Youth.

Pauly returned to Shiner that fall but continued exploring his sexual identity even if only internally. He even tried the letter exchange program. So by the next summer he was MUCH more accepting of himself for being gay. He decided he was going to come out to his Mom!

One night they were getting ready to go to bed & Pauly couldn’t hold it any longer. He was 15 & gay and he was about to burst. His Mom was so sleepy & he was SO nervous when he said “I’ve got something I need to tell you.” Once it was out, he was out …. his Mom said she had known all along. With sleep in her eyes she got up, opened a drawer & pulled out an envelop with more pamphlets, brochures and condoms and handed it to him.

Pauly wanted to go to Out Youth & his Mom took the bus with him to find the place and meet some of the people. He attended peer counseling twice a week. There he was finally able to talk about what it was like growing up in Shiner as a gay person.

It was June ’95 and it was Pauly’s BIG GAY summer. Doors opened, rainbow flags flew and he was surrounded for the first time in his life with people like him. A new friend introduced him to Priscilla of the Desert, Abfab, ABBA, Rocky Horror Picture Show & makeup …. it was gay, gay, gay all summer long. It was a whole other world & he was in love …. and having crushes left & right. He didn’t have to hide it anymore!

When summer came to a close Pauly couldn’t fathom returning to Shiner. He told his Mom he was staying and she agreed. His decision to stay had a positive impact on her life too!

Pauly smiled so deeply as he showed the mailer. He thought about his younger self, his crush on Lance that wasn’t returned …. but the photoshoot & this photo gave him a glimpse into the possibility of having a love like that. Young love, isn’t it grand!

You can learn more about his beautiful man here.

This minisode was clipped from a LIVE virtual Show & Tale: Coming-Out Mementos & Stories for Out Professionals to build connections, community & legacy one story of stuff at a time. ________________________________________________________________________________________

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