This episode of the Wedding Podcast is brought to you from Japan! During my recent holiday and while staying in a “share house” I sought out the views on weddings and marriage from a number of international travellers.

This wildly broad group include a gay Australian woman, a Swiss ski instructor in a long term relationship against the idea of marriage, a newly engaged couple from New Zealand and Sydney, two young Swedish skiers not considering marriage at this time of their life when their culture has an average age of 35 for marriage and an Aussie guy that married in Las Vegas, by Elvis, after a 3 week courtship.

My youngest brother Simon and I at the peak of Mt Annupuri in Japan. Even here, I was thinking about The Wedding Podcast

Before the interviews get underway I’ll let you in on a simple way to get my top tips for your perfect wedding delivered straight to your inbox on a weekly basis. I’ll cover these tips over the coming months during the podcast but if you’d like some great info on some simple things that really will make a difference to your day, and you’d like them sooner rather than later, this is an easy way to get them.

Interestingly (for me anyway) we are approaching 800 downloads of the podcast already and surprisingly, there are listeners from right around the world – very cool! I was expecting 90% of listeners to be Australian brides-to-be but it seems there are a bunch of listeners from the USA, UK, Malaysia, Germany and Denmark.

The interviewees include:

Kate: a gay Australian woman who isn’t allowed to marry – yet. Chatting to Kate was a real pleasure for me. It was great to hear her views on marriage, commitment ceremonies and weddings and the idea that she can’t legally be married. Kate is just kicking off her adventure and Japan was her first stop after throwing in her high pressure and demanding job in the city to travel the world with her partner who is on an art scholarship.

I may be leading a sheltered life but I don’t know too many gay people and chatting to Kate opened my eyes and mind to different perspectives on marriage. When Kate was so adamant that gay marriage should be, must be legalised I wasn’t surprised. I was surprised though that following her views on the legalities of gay weddings, she tells me that she has absolutely no interest in a wedding for herself – even after a long term relationship and an obvious commitment to her partner.

Kai: is a 28 year old ski instructor from Switzerland and after I mentioned that I was a wedding photographer his adamant reply was that I’ll NEVER photograph his wedding because he is NEVER going to be married. With that opening comment I had to know more.

It turns out Kai has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for over ten years and they are totally in love. They are building a house together and although his girlfriend wanted to get married, he said no way. Since then, she has come round to his way of thinking and Kai says she is totally happy with the arrangement.

Kai’s views on marriage are based around family issues when he was growing up. His parents went through a messy and tough divorce which he talks about in our chat. We also talk about Swiss weddings, his best mates wedding day and how things are changing for young couples celebrating their wedding in Switzerland.

Rob and Lola: a recently engaged Kiwi and Aussie couple travelling together through Japan were great to interview. I decided to chat separately to Rob and Lola and get their individual perspectives on how they were going to tackle the obvious issues of planning a wedding. We discuss things like which family and how many will be invited, how much they expect to budget on certain aspects, where they would make any required cost cuts and what they absolutely wouldn’t skimp on.

Blue sky days are rare in Japan at this time of year. In 3 weeks, we received almost 4m of snow!

I think Rob and Lola will get as much enjoyment from the interviews as you will – especially when Rob’s first choice of cost and number cuts would be to Lola’s family while Lola is adamant that all her family will be coming and costs cutting will be elsewhere – but not the dress, the flowers, the photographer or the location.

We also discussed the proposal where Lola leaves out certain aspects and leaves me feeling that Rob is much more romantic than he makes out. His story telling of the event definitely needs some refinement.

Richard: was one of my absolute favourite interviews. After a 3 week courtship he was married in a Las Vegas Chapel by Elvis. There is a little more to this story and it’s well worth a listen, especially if you are planning to run off and get married yourself.

Emmy and Michaela: the two young and shy Swedish girls who have no plans to marry anytime soon. I was surprised to learn that the average age for marriage in Sweden is well over 30 years. Emmy’s parents were married after being together for over 20 years and 2 children and the girls say that this is nothing out of the ordinary. The wedding day seems to run a little different to an Australian wedding which we discuss briefly.

Items mentioned in this episode: 

If you’d like to see more photos from my Japan trip or to follow me on Instagram, go to: http://instagram.com/andrew_hellmich

Michaela’s blog from Japan can be found at: http://michaelajohansson.blogg.se/

If you’d like to actually read her blog, you can use Google Translate to access the blog here

To get my top tips for your perfect wedding day, add your details here: http://www.impact-images.com.au/weddings/

Feedback

Do you have any feedback or comments to add – I’d love to hear about it and share it with other listeners to the show. You can email me, andrew@theweddingpodcast.com.au or leave a comment below.

If you’re enjoying the podcast, it’d be a great help if you leave a rating and comment in itunes. Other brides-to-be will find the podcast more easily and it’ll take you 2 minutes max. Click here to go to the iTunes page, click on the blue button “View In iTunes” then click on “Ratings and Reviews” to leave a comment.

Hope you enjoy the episode.

Speak soon!

Andrew

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Transcript:

[TWP 010 – Wedding and Marriage Views From A Mixed Group of Travelers]

 [length: 01:26:02]

Andrew: The Wedding Podcast session number ten.

[Intro music]

Andrew: Hi, welcome to this episode – episode number 10 of The Wedding Podcast. I’m Andrew Hellmich from Impact Images. I’m a wedding photographer on the Central Coast of Australia, and it’s great to have you with me today. I’m sorry I didn’t get an episode out last week. As you might have heard in the previous episode, I was away in Japan. I’ve been there on the holidays. We had an absolutely fantastic time there. And it was really tough coming back and getting into work mode. It’s actually not even a work day today; it’s still a long weekend here in Australia. It’s raining outside and apparently there’s some strong winds coming down as well from Queensland.

This week, I’ve got a series of interviews lined up for you, that I recorded while I was in Japan. I was staying in a share house. It wasn’t really a backpacker’s, but a share house, I guess. There’s a lot of people coming and going in there – a lot of Aussies, but we had a wide range of people there. And I thought I’d try and get a few interviews together on people’s views from around the world – get their views on weddings and what happens in their country. They include Kate, a gay woman from Australia, who’s not even allowed to get married. I interviewed an engaged couple – the guy, Rob, was from New Zealand, and Lola from Australia. They’re just recently engaged. But what I did with them, I interviewed them separately to get their views on what’s going to be happening on the planning on the lead up to their wedding. So that should be interesting. I also interviewed a young ski instructor from Switzerland, a guy named Kai. He has an interesting view, too, on marriage. He’s been in a long-term relationship; 30 years old, but is dead against getting married. So we’ll have a chat to him as well. I also had a really cool interview with an Aussie guy who eloped in Vegas after a 3-week courtship. I had a problem with the actual recording with Richard and there’s too much noise going on in the house. And the audio was pretty much unusable so what I’m going to try and do is relay his story because it was a pretty cool story. And I really want to share that with you. I also spoke to a couple of young Swedish girls that were staying where we were; lovely girls – both Michaela and Emmie. Their audio too is a little bit tough to work with because they spoke so quietly. They were very nervous about speaking in English for the podcast but I got a little bit information from them about weddings in Sweden. The two of them, neither of them are very interested in getting married at this stage, but Amy’s parents were recently married – a few years ago. And both of them have been to at least wedding. So it’s good to get an idea of what happens in Sweden. As usual, you’ll be able to download any links that I mentioned in this episode if you go to . You’ll get any information there regarding the show.

Usually, I like to add a tip in from the last episode. I’m not sure if you had a chance to listen to Tracy yet. I recorded that interview and released that over the Christmas holidays. Tracy lost 30 kilograms of weight in the lead up to her wedding. I guess the big takeaway from listening to Tracy was that anyone can lose weight, any amount of weight that they want to, as long as they have a plan to work to. Like I said, Tracy lost 30 kilos. She really was an inspiration to listen to. She looked amazing on her wedding day. And interesting too was she tried everything but it wasn’t until she had an actual roadmap and a plan for that weight loss that she actually started to get some success. And once she saw some success, it got easier until she had a little bit of plateau in the middle. But jump back and have a listen to that if you haven’t had a chance to yet. If you’re looking at losing a couple of kilos, Tracy, like I said, is really an inspiration after having lost 30 kilos.

You might notice my voice. It goes a little bit in and out, although [unclear]. I’ve come back with a bit of a flu [unclear] on anybody so I’m trying to get over that. I guess it has something to do with spending the last three weeks – I think the average temperature for us in Japan was about -10°. Obviously, we were rugged up for those conditions. But once one person got sick in the house, then it tended to go right through the whole house. So I come back and I’m sick, but I’m going to struggle through this and hopefully my voice will hold up for the episode.

In local news, there’s not too much to report from me because I have been away. But I do know that couples have been madly getting engaged over the Christmas period. I’ve had about 40 girls ask for our prices while I’ve been away. Couples do that via our website. They just enter their email address and their first name, and they get instant access to our pricelist. If you are interested in getting some extra tips, when you do subscribe and you do get our pricelist, you’ll also get some top tips and you get a series of emails – about a week apart – about how to have the best wedding day that you possibly can, and some of my personal tips on how you can improve your wedding day. No matter whether you’re having me for your photographer or not for your wedding if you do want to read a little bit more about my views on how to have the perfect wedding day. Obviously I’ll cover those things over the coming weeks and months in the podcast. If you want to get those delivered to your inbox, you can do that. Just jump over to . And if you go to the Wedding page, you can see a little box there to enter your details, and you’ll automatically get those emails from me. And you can unsubscribe any time as well. So feel free to do that.

I guess the other really cool thing I wanted to tell you about was that I checked the stats for the podcast just before I started recording today, and we’ve had over 780 downloads so far, which I’m totally rapped with. I expected it to be a lot slower to get going but it looks like word is spreading, which is fantastic. Another interesting thing is that listeners are coming from all over the world. I expected that to be 90% of listeners to be from Australia,  but I’ve got listeners now from America, UK, Germany, Malaysia, and even Denmark, which is pretty cool. And not just one or two. I’ve got a large number particularly in the US, and good numbers from those other countries as well.

If you do want to get more involved with the podcast, if you want to send me any tips, anything that you think I should bring up or talk about, if you’ve got any service providers you’d like to recommend, or if you’re not sure about something, shoot me an email and I’ll get that covered on an upcoming episode. You can do that, . I’d love to get any feedback that you’ve got. It’s always good to know that there’s real people out there listening. I can see the numbers but it’d be really nice to actually hear from you. Let’s get into the main part of the show now.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Andrew: I’m coming to you from Japan today. I’m actually on holidays over here with my son and my brother and a couple of other mates, and I’m staying in a share house. It’s a bit like a backpacker’s, but it’s more of a share house. I’m chatting to all the guests here over the last week or two. It’s been interesting to get their feedback or their ideas on marriage and weddings, and I thought it’d be a good idea to hear some of their thoughts on the topic for the podcast. Before we get into the interviews, I just want to paint a picture of what it’s like around. I’m on the north island of Japan, which is called Hokkaido. I’m in a little town called Hirafu, and the snow here is just insane. I’ve been here for almost three weeks, and we’ve had close to four meters of snow. It really is incredible. If you’re into skiing, you like [unclear] snow, this is the place that you have to come. So just looking at the window here, I’m actually in the ski room at the moment, away from the main part of the lodge. It’s where everyone gets ski off [unclear] so their skis for storage and their snowboards and their boots. It’s pretty cold in this room; it’s probably about 0° or just under. The average temperature in the mountains since I’ve been here has been -10° to -12°. And it gets a lot colder than that up the top. I’m looking at a small window, it’s snowing now as I speak. There’s about two meters of snow on each side of the road. The road gets cleared regularly by bulldoze and big machines to clear the snow. And where we’re in is just a little back street. So it just fills up super quick. As soon as there’s any glimpse of some sort of clear weather, there’s people madly clearing snow from the roofs and the council workers cleaning from the streets. During the night when we’re sleeping, and the day when we’re here at the lodge, it’s not uncommon to hear these massive, big, thunderous bangs as the snow slides off the roofs of our lodge. And it really is impressive; you definitely not want to get caught underneath one of those [unclear] because I reckon you’d be killed with those huge chunks of ice. I hope you enjoy the episode and I’ll see you soon!

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Andrew: To keep things off, my first interview is with Kate, and I started by asking Kate just for a brief introduction. So take it away, Kate.

Kate: I’m Kate Hole, I’m from Sydney, Australia, and I met Andrew skiing in Niseko.

Andrew: Awesome!

Kate: Totally awesome.

Andrew: So we’re staying in a share house here, which has been really cool because there’s so many different people here with different views and different upbringings – everything like that. When we started chatting, I found that you are gay. And you’re actually not allowed to be married, not even Australia.

Kate: At the moment it’s illegal to get married in Australia. There’s a couple of states in America where it is legal, and I think Ireland, and a few European countries actually have legalized gay marriage as well.

Andrew: So if you go to those countries to get married, is that still recognized in Australia?

Kate: I believe it is, yes. Exactly right. And there are a lot of people – I’ve got some friends who’ve gone out to Ireland to get married, and to all the different countries to get married.

Andrew: Is there any difference between, say, female and male gay people in marriage?

Kate: No. It just comes down to whether it’s same-sex or not, or whether they make a differentiation between man and woman, or same-sex.

Andrew: And do you think that’ll ever change in Australia?

Kate: Yes. I think so. Absolutely. There’s a lot of activism at the moment in Australia to have gay marriage legalized. I think, last time I checked, most Australians were pretty much for it. When I say most, the poll say 60% of Australians were in support for it. I have to say that my experience in Australia is that most people are very non-judgmental and very supportive of our relationships. So I can see it happening in the near future.

Andrew: Amongst your gay friends or people that you know that are gay, are any of those against gay marriage?

Kate: Yes.

Andrew: Really? For what reason?

Kate: First up, I’m against it because I  don’t want to get married.

Andrew: So you’re actually against it?

Kate: No. I lied actually; I’m for it theoretically. But I personally don’t want to ever get married.

Andrew: So if it was legalized, you wouldn’t necessarily take up that option.

Kate: No, I wouldn’t take up the option. It’s just not for me, what can I say. But yes, I do have friends who are dead set against it. And why don’t they want to do it? I think they’re happy to actually not be part of the mainstream society and having to adhere to the norms of society. Some of those guys have had some pretty tough stories though.

Andrew: Okay. So do you think that some gay people want marriage to be legalized in Australia just for the sake of it? Like the fact that it can be legalized? Why do you even care if you don’t want to be married would you go on actively protest to have it legalized?

Kate: I just think any form of discrimination based on gender or preference – any form of discrimination – is just totally inappropriate. So I’m massively for it and I haven’t protested but I’ll sign for the press that comes through. But for example, my partner – neither of us want to get married. But she says things like, “Imagine if the marriage legislation said that marriage is between a white man and a white woman. Or Japanese people can’t get married in Australia.â€

Andrew: But it’s not like that.

Kate: No, you reckon?

Andrew: It doesn’t say that. It just says marriage is between a man and a woman.

Kate: But imagine if it actually excluded some race, for example. I think of it that way. And I just think that’s not fair.

Andrew: That’s how you come up with your views.

Kate: I just think it’s…

Andrew: Discrimination.

Kate: Discrimination. It just should be equality. It should be equality. There’s some pretty funny arguments against it though. Have you heard them?

Andrew: No. Tell me.

Kate: Some of the politicians and the hard right are against it because they’re basically saying, “Alright. If we change the marriage legislation to say it’s between two people, then it’s a slippery slope before you actually go to say marriage is between a man, a woman and a dog.â€

Andrew: Okay. So they think if they change it, it’s going to get out of hand.

Kate: It’s going to get out of hand. Or a man, a man, a man, a woman and a dog. So they basically don’t want to tamper with it. And I just think that’s pretty funny.

Andrew: That’s a bit lame, isn’t it?

Kate: It’s pretty funny.

Andrew: Yes, okay. So do you guys miss out on anything by not being married? Benefit-wise? I know you guys both work. But do you get to miss out on anything by not being married?

Kate: It differs by state. In Australia, there’s a lot of state legislation, so there’s no actual one. There’s a Marriage Act, I think, which is national. Don’t quote me on any of this but this is my sketchy understanding of it.

Andrew: This is only going international so you can say whatever you like.

Kate: I’ll just make whatever rubbish I feel like. But in different states, the legislation is different. So for example, there’s things like artificial birth assistance. There’s also the adoption laws that’s different by state. So some are allowed to adopt..

Andrew: If you’re not married..

Kate: ..If you’re not married. Or if you’re in a same-sex relationship. And then in other states there’s no real difference at all. I think in the ATT, you are allowed to have a civil union, which actually gives you all of the same rights as being married, but without the marriage certificate.

Andrew: So in yourself, whereas you can have a commitment ceremony, because I know that a lot of the celebrants that I work with perform those, but it’s not legal. So is that a de facto relationship?

Kate: We’re in a de facto relationship so all of the things – everything that covers the de facto relationship covers out ours as well. There is also the trouble with the superannuation. Again, that’s different state by state. So if one of us dies, then the superannuation. Again, that’s different state by state. So if one of us dies, they you got problems. The state can actually overrule..

Andrew: …if you don’t have a will.

Kate: Yes.

Andrew: So [unclear]. You don’t really miss out anything by not legally being married, if you recognize it as a de facto.

Kate: Yes. I think to me, your right to adopt and your right to choose to undergo artificial birth – what do you call that stuff anyway?

Andrew: You mean – I don’t know what you mean.

Kate: Yes. Anyway –

Andrew: IVF and things like that.

Kate: IVF, yes. And the superannuation are the three big ones, really. But everything else – so if we broke up, you just divide everything down the middle.

Andrew: If there’s no kids.

Kate: If there’s no kids. It’s all pretty much identical in that respect.

Andrew: What about with kids? I know it’s [unclear] from weddings, but are you guys allowed to adopt?

Kate: No.

Andrew: No. Are gay guys allowed to adopt?

Kate: No.

Andrew: So any gay couples cannot adopt.

Kate: Yes. In different states.

Andrew: But you could have a child if either of you are trying to get a child, and then raise that child as your own.

Kate: Yes, absolutely. And then you just got to put in place in your will. Just arrange what will basically just say there’s two moms or two dads, and this is how we chose to raise the kid. So you just have to take a little bit of care with that.

Andrew: Okay. So do you think gay guys should be able to have kids?

Kate: Yes. Of course!

Andrew: Some people don’t.

Kate: Really?

Andrew: Yes!

Kate: There’s people who think they want to marry a dog, but I definitely think that gay guys should be able to have kids. And they do!

Andrew: And they do! Yes. And have you ever been to gay weddings? Or commitment ceremonies?

Kate: No.

Andrew: Okay. So it’s not a big thing in the gay community?

Kate: Not amongst my circle of friends. No.

Andrew: Alright. And then you said before that you would never get married or it doesn’t interest you.

Kate: No, sorry.

Andrew: What’s the reason for that?

Kate: It’s a personal choice. It just doesn’t interest me. It never has. I’ve never wanted to have a wedding.

Andrew: Okay. You’re right. So what about if your partner, she said, “Kate, I want to marry you,†if it was legalized. Or, “I want to have a commitment ceremony.â€

Kate: We’ve been together for 17 years so I have to say yes.

Andrew: You have to say yes.

Kate: I would be obliged to say yes. But whilst we haven’t had a commitment ceremony or anything like that, we certainly have discussed whether we might stay together for a little bit longer.

Andrew: 17 years, that’s a little bit longer!

Kate: That’s fairly committed, I’d say.

Andrew: Yes, right. So you can have that same commitment without actually having a wedding.

Kate: Yes, the ceremony. But neither of us have any interest whatsoever.

Andrew: I’m surprised you haven’t been to a commitment ceremony or wedding.

Kate: Yes. And you know what’s weird? Lots of our straight friends are not married either.

Andrew: Okay.

Kate: I don’t know. Maybe it’s just an attitude in our generation. And also my close friends who have gone married got married really late. So they’ve been together for years and years and years and they have kids and they’re like, “We probably should get married.â€

Andrew: Yes, right. So they did after the kids and everything. Can I ask how old you are?

Kate: 40.

Andrew: 40. So have you seen any big changes then, say, as you’ve been growing up in the gay community, regarding weddings or marriage. Have views changed?

Kate: Yes, very much so. It’s sometimes difficult to separate out which bits has been as a result of me changing and what’s the result of the community changing. But I think there’s a lot of momentum behind the equality. So gay marriage being legalized across Australia, and across the world, actually. And there’s quite a lot of support for that. I’ve never really experienced a whole lot of discrimination. I have to say I’ve been lucky, I think, in that respect. Either that or Australians are just really accepting. Or don’t really care. Either way, I haven’t really noticed a difference.

Andrew: Do you think it’s different for gay girls or gay guys?

Kate: Yes. I certainly do. And I think it’s different in different communities as well. For example, in some religious communities, it’s really very much frowned upon. And we have friends who’ve pretty much been disowned by their families as a result of their sexual preference, I suppose. And I also think some of the more traditional communities. For example, I was telling you the story the other day. I met a Japanese girl who was married at 23 and then she worked out…

Andrew: She was married to a guy?

Kate: Married to a guy. Went through the official ceremonies in Japan. And then a couple of years later she just couldn’t live that lifestyle anymore and came out to her family and friends and got divorced. And ever since then she hasn’t had any contact with her family at all.

Andrew: So they basically disowned her.

Kate: Yes, which is..

Andrew: Pretty sad.

Kate: Pretty sad. I mean, there is still is some pretty negative attitudes to it all. But I’ve been lucky. I just haven’t experienced too much of that.

Andrew: It’s been good.

Kate: Yes.

Andrew: Unreal. Thanks for doing this today.

Kate: Yes, pleasure. No worries.

Andrew: Is there anything controversial you want to add at the end?

Kate: I don’t think anyone in the straight community should get married until gay marriage is legalized.

Andrew: Woah, heavy. I’ll take it to the masses.

Kate: Take it to the masses. Actually I love a festival of love. I’m all in favor of people getting married. I’m also massively in favor of equality, so I think get behind the course.

Andrew: I know. Lots of my friends, but certainly the people I work with would love to see gay marriage legalized. And the cynics would say that’s because we work in the wedding industry, but I think I truly believe it to be legalized.

Kate: Yes. If your son or daughter was gay, you’d probably want them to get married.

Andrew: Yes, of course. And certainly want to have a normal life. But you said it’s been pretty crazy for you in Australia.

Kate: Yes. I haven’t experienced anything negative. So thank you to all of those open-minded individual out there.

Andrew: Awesome. Thanks Kate!

Kate: No worries, Andrew. Pleasure.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Andrew: Next up, I had a little chat to Kai, from Switzerland. Kai turned up to the share house with three other buddies. All of them could speak English, but Kai was definitely the number one English speaker in the group. He spent a season in New Zealand – or two – as a ski instructor. And his English was great. He also had some really strong views on weddings and getting married. So it was great to have him involved. So I started again by asking Kai just for an introduction, and let’s get into that now.

Kai: My name is Kai. I’m from Switzerland. I am 28 and I’ve been in a relationship for almost 10 years now. But we’re not married.

Andrew: And no kids?

Kai: No kids.

Andrew: So when I chatted to you the other day, I told you that I was a wedding photographer and you said that there’s no way I’ll ever photograph your wedding. You’re dead against it.

Kai: I’m not dead against it, but for us, we don’t want to get married.

Andrew: So if one of your friends said they’re getting married, what would you say?

Kai: My best friend, he just got married. If it’s fine for them, why not?

Andrew: So you’re not against weddings or marriage or such.

Kai: No. Absolutely not. But for us, there’s no way we’re going to get married.

Andrew: Is your partner, she feels the same way? Or is this something that she [unclear].

Kai: Didn’t feel the same way when we got together, but now she does. I don’t know why really, it’s just the way we have our relationship at the moment, we don’t see a point why should we sign  a contract. By what we’ve got at the moment.

Andrew: Okay. In Switzerland, I think it’s a little bit different to Australia. So there’s no  such thing as a de facto relationship, is that right? You’ve been together now for 10 years. So if you split up now and you have a house together, does she automatically get half the house?

Kai: No. She doesn’t. Say, if we would have a house together, and say if I brought all the money, if I’ve been building the house, it’s still my house; she doesn’t get anything off it.

Andrew: Okay. So even though she might have contributed to the payments for the house, with her job? So you’re both working?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: So if she’s paid some money to the house and to the household, does she get some of the house?

Kai: She probably just gets the money back she was paying for. And that’s it.

Andrew: Okay. And is it different in Switzerland if there’s kids involved? Or still the same?

Kai: It’s still the same.

Andrew: Right, okay. But if you’re married in Switzerland, then she would get half?

Kai: Not necessarily. In Switzerland, if you get married, you can have three different contracts. So one contract you can get where you say, “Okay. Her money and my money are brought in to the relationship together. When we split up, it’s going to be 50-50.†But then also you can have a contract where it says, “Okay. We get married, say, in one year. And then you count the money you have. So she’s counting her money, I’m counting my money. And say, we split up after ten years, you basically get the same money back you brought in to the relationship. Pretty much.â€

Andrew: So is that something you decide on when you get married?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: Okay. So everyone goes through that decision in Switzerland?

Kai: Okay.

Andrew: And then when we’re chatting the other day, you said there’s a reason why you don’t think weddings or a marriage is a good idea for you. And that was brought about through your family situation?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: Are you happy to talk about that?

Kai: Yes. No problem.

Andrew: So what is it that turned you away from why you think it’s such a bad idea for you?

Kai: Because when I was 12, my parents split up. And then my dad, he wasn’t working a lot. We were kind of a poor family. So my dad split up and my mom basically could take all the money from my dad. So every coin he was owning during work went back to my mom.

Andrew: Is that because of the contract they had?

Kai: Yes. So basically, you can, as a man, if you split up, the ex-wife can destroy you. Totally. If you’re married. Or if you split up afterwards.

Andrew: So the wife can destroy for the man. So is that what happened then with your mom and dad?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: So she made it hard for him.

Kai: Yes. Because my dad has to pay for the kids. My dad has to pay. I don’t know exactly how it works, but that’s what I remembered from this.

Andrew: Ah, okay. Right. And that would’ve been because of the contract they entered into?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: So you don’t want to put yourself in that situation.

Kai: No. Never.

Andrew: So could you still see yourself having kids now?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: So what would you do with the family name for the kids? They’ll take the dad’s name or the mom’s name?

Kai: No, the mom’s name. If you’re not married, they have to take the mom’s name. They can’t take my name.

Andrew: Okay. Alright. So what about celibacy? You guys love each other? You’re talking about kids, you have a house together, and what about if your partner, she says, “Kai, I really think we should get married.â€

Kai: No. No way.

Andrew: No way? Not going to happen.

Kai: It’s not going to happen.

Andrew: So why wouldn’t you, if you could have the contract that would make sure that you’re safe?

Kai: You don’t get the contract where you think you’re safe. Because it doesn’t matter what kind of contract you sign. In the end, if she’s going to the law and wants your money, she’ll get your money.

Andrew: Okay. No matter the contract you have.

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: Have you been to any Swiss weddings?

Kai: One. My best mate’s wedding. I was his best man.

Andrew: I’ve never been to a Swiss wedding. I’ve only been to Australian and Scottish ones. Is there much difference – did you have photos beforehand? Did the photographer come to the house?

Kai: No, I don’t think so.

Andrew: A photographer at the ceremony? At the church?

Kai: No.

Andrew: No photographer? Not at all?

Kai: No. But they didn’t marry in a church.

Andrew: A garden wedding?

Kai: It was in a bar. In Switzerland, you have two weddings. One, which is the official one, where you go to the government..

Andrew: Yes, like a government office? Like a registry?

Kai: Yes, registry office. And that’s the official wedding.

Andrew: So everyone does that.

Kai: Yes. You have to. Because the one in the church, that’s just a ceremony. That’s not like the official wedding.

Andrew: As they are already married.

Kai: Yes. They are already married when they go to church. The one in the church is just for friends and families and to keep that tradition up a little bit.

Andrew: Okay. So everyone gets married in the registry and then the couple decide to have a garden wedding or church wedding. So the church wedding is still the most popular?

Kai: Not anymore.

Andrew: So more gardens..

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: So your best friend, he got married in a pub.

Kai: Kind of.

Andrew: And then do they go off to have photos? Or no photos at all the whole day?

Kai: Just friends were doing photos. But not like a professional.

Andrew: And then they have like 100 guests or…

Kai: What was it. I think, yes, something around 100 guests.

Andrew: That’s pretty normal. And speeches and things like that?

Kai: No, it was just friends and family and we were celebrating a little bit.

Andrew: Just a party.

Kai: Yes. It’s a party. But they didn’t have like the typical wedding dress or anything. He was wearing a suit but not a tie. She was wearing a black dress with yellow socks.

Andrew: A black dress?

Kai: Yes. And a yellow flower. And that’s about it. It wasn’t like the typical way.

Andrew: And just tell me to finish – in Australia, there’s about 40% of couples break up and get divorced. Is this something similar in Switzerland?

Kai: It’s probably around 60%.

Andrew: That break up?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: Yes, right. Okay. That’s high, isn’t it?

Kai: Because the problem these days is that a lot of people, they get married way too early. So they know each other for maybe two months and then they get together. Half a year later, they get married. And then one year later, there’s the first kid on its way. And for me, that’s way too fast. Because you don’t get to know each other in this time.

Andrew: So why do you think they’re getting married so young?

Kai: Because they think they have to. They’re not thinking.

Andrew: Yes, right.

Kai: That’s what I think.

Andrew: Just because tradition, or…?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: That’s what they do.

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: And you’re here with three buddies?

Kai: Yes.

Andrew: And none of them are married?

Kai: No.

Andrew: Any likely to get married?

Kai: I don’t know. Probably one of them is. The other one’s…

Andrew: A city boy.

Kai: Yes, city boy. City boy, could be. But the other two, I don’t think so.

Andrew: Cool. You had a good time in Japan so far?

Kai: Yes, perfect. Awesome. Perfect.

Andrew: Unreal. Thanks for chatting.

Kai: No worries. Thank you.

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Andrew: Next up is Rob. Rob’s a Kiwi and travelling with his fiancé Lola, or Loren. The really cool thing about these guys is I interviewed Rob and Lola separately. And they’ve only been just recently engaged; they got engaged in December. I hear that he’s a true  romantic. So let’s get into the interview with Rob.

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Andrew: Do you want to start just by introducing yourself? Tell me about your name, where you live, how old you are.

Rob: Sure. My name is Rob. I’m thirty years old now. I come from New Zealand, a place called Piha, and live in Sydney, Australia at the moment.

Andrew: Cool. And I know that you are engaged to Lola. He’s also staying here at the lodge in Japan. So you guys are just recently engaged?

Rob: Yes. Actually this is all [unclear] 2^nd of December 2012. It’s a nice little ambiance to the numbers there.

Andrew: Perfect. And you got to tell me, was it a romantic proposal?

Rob: It was. We live in Balmain. We got out on to Ballast Point Park which overlooks the ferries and the harbor and what nonsense. And anyway, I’m dragged there every week – against my will most of the time – but we went down there I’d sort of been playing up. I’ve eaten KFC that day and I was trying to be like, “Let’s go for a walk.†I didn’t buy her a ring. It’s impossible trying to find rings these days without talking to them, because it’s all very much a surprise. And I [unclear] because she likes ferries, she likes sailing. So I got her an anchor on a necklace. And on the back, it says, “Will you marry me?†Anyway, we’re walking down and I’m like, “Let’s go up to the point overlooking at…†And I’m like, “Oh, I got to just go around the corner. I’ve got to take a leak.†And I didn’t.

Andrew: That’s romantic!

Rob: That’s obviously very romantic. Anyway, she is also on a [unclear] and I ran around the corner. And I’m about to come back but people were just past. And for some insane reason, they just stopped. And I just want to go anywhere. So I said, “Lola, come over here. Look, I found something.†And I was bounded down the steps and I just showed her the necklace. And she’s like, “Ah, it’s an anchor. That’s fantastic.†And I’m like, “Yes, I just found it while I was taking a leak.†And I didn’t. So I said, “There’s some engraving. What does it say?†And it says, “Will you marry me?†Then I bended knee and she was just stunned. She was absolutely stunned. And just the look of surprise on her face. And obviously, with me, she took a double take on whether or not I was serious.

Andrew: That’s awesome. So she said yes obviously.

Rob: Yes, she was pretty stunned. So she took her a while. And she was just that shocked. Definitely shocked.

Andrew: And how long were you guys going out or seeing each other before?

Rob: It’s been about almost two years now. We’ve been living together for about ten months. It happened so quickly but not that quick. I know other people that have been married with only a year sort of thing.

Andrew: So now that you’re engaged. And that’s only been reasonably recently, have you guys given any thought to the date or where the wedding’s going to  be?

Rob: We’ve got it for October, the date. But that’s one of the things. Any sort of advice for a guy, like one that got on bended knee, I just think things through. It’s just all of a sudden. That’s just an admin nightmare. There’s just things to think about that you just never, never give thought to before you propose and all that sort of thing. And Lola’s not really the type of girl that grew up sweating on her wedding day. She’s pretty independent girl and that sort of thing. Apart from the date, we’ve got a lot of stuff to get through.

Andrew: So when you say, to give something some thought, or administrative nightmare…

Rob: The numbers of who you’ve got to cut off, where you want to do it. It’s the logistics that’s actually giving people there and back. The financial side, I mean. It used to be the bride’s parents pay for everything. And that’s changed now. I’m fronting up quite a bit of the fee. And it’s just everything you’re going to think of. The dresses, the colors, we haven’t talked about it before. Every time she’s like, “Oh, is there an us in the future.†I’m like, “No, there’s an I†and just push away that conversation.

Andrew: Until you proposed.

Rob: To keep the romance.

Andrew: Yes.

Rob: [unclear] of the hopeless romantic, right?

Andrew: In your head, have you guys discussed figures? Have you got an idea how much it’s going to cost you?

Rob: Yes. I think we do. There’s a couple of magazines that are talking of a couple of people. I think in Sydney, you’re not going to get a half-day wedding for under 30K. And I think  it just goes up from there. There’s no way we could afford anything more than 50. But it depends on who contributes.

Andrew: So would you be prepared to spend $50,000.

Rob: I really wouldn’t want it. Because the other thing is, we got to save for a house and all these other lovely things.

Andrew: Sure. Part of life.

Rob: Oh, God. I just feel my wallet is getting larger and larger as we go along. But no, it’s just [unclear] is the most important things. For me, a wedding day is great. It’s the most expensive part of your [unclear]. It’s the best part of your [unclear]. But you got to take it with a pinch of salt.

Andrew: Sure. Do you guys decide together whether you have 50 guests or 100 guests?

Rob: I think that’s probably one thing we didn’t talk about. I think you got to come to an agreement then you got to sacrifice. Because I’m prepared to sacrifice my parents, friends. I don’t see them ever [unclear]. But Lola’s had friends – her parent’s friends – that have been there for each of her brother’s weddings. So it was like a traditional… you just can’t be like that. Because then it just opens up a box of…[unclear] People get angry if they’re left out. That sort of things.

Andrew: So are you saying that she has to be prepared to cut some of her side because you’re prepared to cut some of yours?

Rob: Yes, but I don’t think it will come down to have because I think we both know that there’s only a few people that we really want anyway.

Andrew: Okay. So what’s stopping you from eloping?

Rob: That’s [unclear] Vegas is always there. I went to Vegas in three weeks. I loved that vice. I guess, it’s different on the table, I guess. But I get a thing with Sydney, we do want our friends and family there because we got quite close families, both of us. And quite a few people in Sydney that we know. Our mutual friends are pretty excited about it. We’ve been touring and all that sort of thing. I guess sometimes [unclear] just to go, cross overseas, just to make sure that you’re alive and you cut out all those stuff. It’s still an option. My mate got married in Kuala Lumpur and that was a fantastic time.

Andrew: Yes, right.

Rob: It’s still there.

Andrew: Obviously you’ve had the romantic lead-up, the fantastic proposal and you got all these dramas now, like it did pop up in your head – you gotta think, “Man, what have I got myself in for?â€

Rob: Look man, that’s life. If it’s not bad, it will be something else. Every big decision you make. I think it is more of the fact that I, as a guy, you don’t perhaps know how big a decision this is. And maybe for the girls as well. But it is a big commitment to make and all that sort of thing. But if I wasn’t thinking about these sorts of things, then the other things, either way, I mean I got to buy a house, I got to buy a car – it doesn’t change. It’s just this one day. It makes people sweat.

Andrew: It does.

Rob: Everything’s got to fall into place. And God forbid if it rain. [unclear]. It’s a family broadcast.

Andrew: So either way of the rain, you’ll still get married. Some girls forgive that. But the guys are pretty cool with that sort of thing.

Rob: I think some girls forgive who the groom is. It wasn’t [unclear] the groom as just the by-product.

Andrew: They just want to have their wedding.

Rob: Exactly. That’s what it’s all about. It’s for her, but for Lola, she wants it to be for me as well. But I’m like, “Look, if you bring my opinion into it, it’s likely that you’ll say rid of black, and I’ll say black and you’ll say, it’s going to be red.â€

Andrew: I’ve seen that a lot.

Rob: Well, that’s the point. But it’s something that all these little things that you got to do as if suddenly you got to think about [unclear]. You know, life is admin.

Andrew: You seem a lot more involved to me, than a lot of couples that I see. I see the girls who do all the groundwork. But you say it like you’ve given this a lot of thought already.

Rob: I’ve given it a lot of thought up to the proposal.

Andrew: Even now you’re talking about figures and numbers and sacrifices.

Rob: We’ve had a couple of chats. And it’s pretty much where’s it come down. For me, I’m that sort of person that I’m playing things where I can because in life, there’s lots of things you can’t play. You just do what you can. I think we’re also youngest one in many years in each of our families so we’ve been through lots of weddings – some cousins and that sort of thing. So we can see that it surprises.

Andrew: It is.

Rob: And it is just what you got to go through.

Andrew: So what’s the first thing you got to do now? What’s the first thing you got to book or..

Rob: It’s got to be date and venue.

Andrew: The date and the venue. Okay.

Rob: Yes. And then venue, my venue is city. The actual city or country.

Andrew: Because you might still go to New Zealand.

Rob: Possibly. It had to be quite cheaper. Quite a bit cheaper to go.

Andrew: Okay. So your family will come to Australia then?

Rob: Yes. And that’s the thing. I don’t really care – if my extended family can come, then it’s all great. But if they can’t I’m not too fussed because they’ve already been through the weddings in my family.

Andrew: Has it been [unclear]?

Rob: No. We’re pretty mellow about. There’s always [unclear]. We call it [unclear]. None of the tough decisions have been made yet. None that there’s like, “You’ve got to get rid of this person†has been made yet. As I said to you before, I picked my three best men without thinking about the fact that Lola’s couple other friends are oversees and probably can’t make it.

Andrew: So you say picked and asked them?

Rob: Yes.

Andrew: So is that idea on hindsight?

Rob: It was a blow out. Lola has defined this a blow out. But that’s cool. I would work around that. Those guys that will be there [unclear] guys. Doesn’t matter.

Andrew: Cool. So what about, say, from when you first proposed to now – it’s only been a month.

Rob: Yes.

Andrew: Any advice for anyone else that’s heading down the same road? From the little that you know so far?

Rob: You just got to take the plans. You’ll know if it’s the right one for you. Whatever happens down the line, there’s the future. You just can’t overanalyze things too much. I have been saying, “It would be good to know more about the wedding process before you propose†but in the end, you just got to do it. And if you can keep the romance, I think that’s key part of it. Because a lot of my friends – especially my mate who just got engaged, he had already picked out the ring. And I understand the logic behind it but it shouldn’t be about logic. It should just be like you go in emotion. You got to know when someone is a right person for you.

Andrew: You sound like the true romantic!

Rob: [unclear] have been working, you know, he used to read books. Wedding books, wedding magazines while I was growing up. Under the bleachers.

Andrew: Are you joking or not?

Rob: Much truth [unclear]. No.

Andrew: So you got a bit of an idea of what’s going to happen?

Rob: I hope so. Then it will all blow up in front of me and then we’ll go back to square one.

Andrew: Let me just get back to money for one minute. If things start getting out of hand, or say, Lola’s parents said, “Look, we really want to have Uncle Frank and Auntie Betty come into the wedding†then would you expect them to contribute more then to the wedding? Or is this something you guys would just…

Rob: I think her parents are going to contribute the majority part of the two sets of parents.

Andrew: Right, okay. So if the parents weren’t going to contribute, then would you feel you have more right to say who comes and who doesn’t come?

Rob: And I’m going to be, “But I think that will be okay.†Because the people that I want to turn up, it’s not we can manage it. That’s like [unclear].

Andrew: What about chapel or outdoor ceremony?

Rob: I’m a Catholic. She’s a Protestant. She’s quite happy to do Catholic, but it’s very difficult to sort out a Catholic priest. I’m from New Zealand. I can get an [unclear] priest because from the family and stuff like that. But here, it’s a bit more difficult. You got to be part of a congregation, as I understand. You just got to jump through a few hoops. And not just that pre-wedding course that you do.

Andrew: A little bit more than that.

Rob: And the chapels, yes. We’re trying to. If we could, it’d be great.

Andrew: Catholic. One last question. I know you’re in a hurry. One last question – I totally forgot what I was going to ask you.

Rob: Take your time. People get quite [unclear] in front of me. It’s just my natural me.

Andrew: That charm. Well I was going to ask you, why are you getting married?  Because I’ve spoken to a few people so far in the lodge that are all against marriage? So why are you getting married?

Rob: It’s how you grow up. I grow up, marriage is a big part. My parents have been married for 45 years. It just feels right. You never know. My parents have been married for 45 years, but many times [unclear]. You got to go through. There’ll be times when you fall out of love and that sort of thing. But you still see something as if you find someone you really click or you really connect with, then you should try and make it. And to be fair, there’s still a society thing. That’s a society trait that people get married. And it’s good to actually have a wing woman. Not like that. But someone that you can rely on and that is just part of you now.

Andrew: But why not just stay together in a relationship? Why actually get married?

Rob: Yes, that’s a good question. Again, probably because I feel that is the most significant commitment than just staying together. Legally, it doesn’t matter. But I think for an emotional or perhaps religious or spiritual thing, marriage is some sort of act of actually saying, “We’re together now for life.†I think that’s a pretty big commitment to make. So I think if you can do that, then you can look back and see that it’s a big achievement on your life.

Andrew: That’s awesome.

Rob: But [unclear].

Andrew: No, I totally agree. Thank so much for your time. I know you have a dinner date, mate. And have a great time!

Rob: Dinner date with six guys.

Andrew: And Lola!

Rob: Exactly, yes.

Andrew: Alright, thanks Rob!

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Andrew: This next chat is with Lola, or Loren, who is engaged to Rob. And it’ll be interesting to hear her view and her take on the upcoming wedding that these guys are planning. So let’s get into the interview with Loren.

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Andrew: Do you want to start with an introduction – tell me who you are, where you live, how old you are. Are you happy to?

Lola: My name is Loren Parker. I live in Balmain. I’m 32. And I’ve been back in Sydney for two years after traveling the world for about eight years.

Andrew: You traveled for eight years?

Lola: Not traveled. I lived places over six.

Andrew: So you’ve been working.

Lola: Working oversees.

Andrew: And recently engaged.

Lola: Recently engaged.

Andrew: And I heard it was a super romantic