The Balticon 46 Wrap up is just about done. There’s going to be just one more episode after this one. But don’t worry, because we’ve saved some of the best stuff for last. This next panel is Dirty Mad Libs, a very adult, but also a very hilarious panel. Dirty Mad Libs is part of Balticon’s late night programming organized by Nobilis Reed. In regular mad libs, you take ordinary stories and replace selected words with random words from the audience. In Dirty Mad Libs, we take notable erotic scenes from literature and give them the same treatment. The results are… a bit different. In any case, this episode is not safe for kids or work. You have been warned!

Patrick Scaffido serves as our moderator for this panel, with Starla Huchton as the new panelist, and myself as the old veteran. The results are absolutely hilarious. You may not be able to control your laughter. Just make sure you manage to keep breathing. We were laughing hard enough that we couldn’t catch our breath either.

Grab your oxygen mask and enjoy the show.

Show notes after the cut.

Show notes:

• 
  
• Who’s the moderator?
  
  • 
    
  • You’re the moderator!
    
  
  
  
• Introductions
  
  • 
    
  • Erotic Mad Libs!
    
  • I’ll do anything Nobilis tells me to.
    
  • Patrick Scaffido
    
  • Starla Huchton
    
  • Doc Coleman
    
  
  
  
• They’re in my big bag.
  
• Nobilis has bonus material.
  
• The first Mad Lib – Doc
  
  • 
    
  • Can we have something that is not “dog”?
    
  • It is very important when attending this panel to know your parts of speech!
    
  • If you start Googling now, you’ll never finish this panel.
    
  • I”m feeling colors. And hearing the way things feel.
    
  • Why are you correcting his spelling?
    
    • 
      
    • If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that spelling is the most important thing in erotica.
      
    
    
    
  • Um is not a verb.
    
  • New people to give us words!
    
  • We actually had purple, try again.
    
  • Know your parts of speech!
    
  • That’s on topic! I know, because I’m experienced.
    
  • Animals have their place in erotica.
    
  • You came late, you get picked on a lot.
    
  • And we’re in the vegetable section…
    
  • Do I even know what a gerund is?
    
  • I’ve been holding that in the whole entire time.
    
    • 
      
    • Would you like some time to go to the bathroom first?
      
    
    
    
  
  
  
• The reading
  
  • 
    
  • She spread her legs to give him more beer…
    
  • You were here when we did it!
    
    • 
      
    • That doesn’t mean I was paying attention! I was moderating.
      
    
    
    
  • It has been so nubby. Or so it seemed.
    
  • And that’s how it’s done.
    
    • 
      
    • I am schooled.
      
    
    
    
  
  
  
• Next up, Patrick
  
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  • Genetically modified organisms are now able to write erotica? The world is perfect!
    
  • I will come up with creative nicknames for the people I don’t know. And you will hate me for it.
    
  • I’ve actually done this.
    
  • It’s too big, it won’t fit in there. You’ll just have to keep your poke to yourself.
    
  
  
  
• The reading
  
  • 
    
  • …with her great tusks mere inches from my manhood.
    
  • … into her sofa.
    
  • You just read it for the articles?
    
  • That was short.
    
    • 
      
    • That would have been a good guideline!
      
    
    
    
  • Let’s settle this after the end of the panel with jello wrestling.
    
  
  
  
• Now Starla
  
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  • Scooter is not an adjective.
    
  • That’s a good body part to put in the corner.
    
  • I need one of those ing verbs.
    
  • You know it’s good when we start breaking up just asking for the words.
    
  • Plus, now we get to hear Starla say “anus”.
    
  • We call them “ingy verbs”.
    
  • I haven’t done that.
    
    • 
      
    • Yet.
      
    • It’s on the list.
      
    
    
    
  • New frontiers in euphemism
    
    • 
      
    • That should be a new panel next year.
      
    
    
    
  
  
  
• The reading
  
  • 
    
  • Come back, Pip, you’ve got to hear the rest of this.
    
  • His teeth tightened on her nose.
    
  • I was actually thinking about car insurance.
    
  • … and then reaching for his submarines.
    
  • What?
    
  • That’s actually better than how it was originally written!
    
  • You can always tell this is a good podcast when you can’t understand anything for the laughter.
    
    • 
      
    • All I can think is “There go his submarines.”
      
    
    
    
  • She couldn’t recall her rhinoceros ever reacting like this before.
    
  • For once, Sorcha did not feel the need to fight another’s microphone.
    
    • 
      
    • Only in podcaster land.
      
    
    
    
  • It’s extra steamy now!
    
    • 
      
    • You just put gears on it.
      
    
    
    
  
  
  
• Patrick again, since his was short.
  
  • 
    
  • Plunger lady, may I have a plural noun?
    
  • The hammer is my mad lib.
    
  • Then I’ll go with Uranus.
    
  • She gave me a door. You know what that means. Absolutely nothing.
    
  
  
  
• The reading
  
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  • … in her throbbing, willing, vacuum cleaner.
    
  • … of a woman’s most intimate door.
    
    • 
      
    • That does mean something!
      
    
    
    
  • Cheeses of passion.
    
    • 
      
    • That’s my next band name.
      
    
    
    
  • Now That’s a new euphemism.
    
  • I’m still stuck on the door.
    
  • Does anyone else want a cigarette, too?
    
  • It was actually planned in a not at all way.
    
  • This went much better than the rehearsals.
    
  
  
  
• Thank you for coming all over the room.
  
• Remind them who we are.
  
  • 
    
  • Doc Coleman
    
  • Starla Huchton
    
  • Patrick Scaffido
    
  
  
  
• Go forth and be dirty.