Influence is all about you
While working with my clients, a recurring topic is influence. People direct or expect others will rally their point of view. There is a misconception about Influence and that if we experience limited influence it is because people are not willing to change or to follow a cause or a leader.
Influence has nothing to do with others and everything to do with your mindset.
If you do not get the results you expect, change your expectations and challenge the way you have been doing things. Influence is mostly happening when you simply choose to BE. Authenticity and alignment lead to influence.
As a coach I am also influencing without authority. I am in the business of building trust.
Preparing the soil
If you want to grow your influence start by exploring what your expectations are and position yourself in the shoes of the people you want to influence.
Would you experience any resistance in this particular situation if you were not the “boss”? What would you expect in return for your investment or engagement? What would be the traits and qualities of the person able to influence you?
Fertilizing the ground
At this stage you might have already noticed what might be the limitation of your current approach and see how you could adjust your behavior to increase your level of influence. But before going there, we want to assist you to build strong foundations and create a robust framework/environment. If you implement the change now, without preliminary work, you might be perceived as manipulative and get the opposite of what you try to achieve. People are used to who you are and your way of doing things, it is important to acknowledge you had to revisit your approach and to explain them why you are adjusting your behavior. This will bring authenticity and authenticity leads to trust.
You feel you will show weakness? In this case you might not be ready yet to influence others. Mindset agility and emotional intelligence are traits necessary to engage, to develop a strong ego who define itself by its own set of values vs a weak ego who defines itself by the values and expectations of others.
Who you are and who you are willing to become matters in this process. Owning who you are will lead you naturally to increased influence while hiding and living your life according to others expectations and perceptions will ultimately require you to direct people to do what you want instead of influencing them.
Planting the seeds
This is the perfect time to plant your seeds, to implement the change, to shift your mindset and experience the difference. When you want to influence utilize curiosity, open ended questions, and genuinely listen to the answers and suggestions you are getting. Regardless of the message you want to share, it is important for the individuals you want to influence to feel valued.
It might sometimes require courage to listen to the pain or dissatisfaction of some of your loved ones or team members, meanwhile, it is normal and when you are genuine and caring, they will judge the situation and not the messenger.
How does it feel to be supported instead of singled out when directing others? What are the responses you are getting now that you have establish a solid framework or reference for the people you are working with or living with?
Watering the plant
Influence does not happen only when a message must be delivered and received or a project completed. It is the practice of getting people involved and engaged, even when they are not part of the solution. Trust must be nurtured and constant.