RABBI DONIEL FRANK | Director, M.A.P. Seminars, Inc., Marriage and Family Therapist

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There are many opinions as to what Moshe and Aharon did wrong at the incident of the rock.

According to the Midrash Rabbah, it’s because they called the people “rebels.†But what’s wrong with that? After all, they were rebelling!

And the Ramban says that, by Moshe and Aharon asking the people, “Will we bring forth water for you from this rock?,†they intimated that it was they, and not Hashem, who had the power to give them water. But how’s it possible to even think that they would have meant it that way?

The Mishna in Pirkei Avos says, “Wise ones. Be careful with your words.†Obviously, this includes saying things that are wrong. But it also includes speaking ambiguously, because ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings, which can lead to all kinds of problems… like when we’re trying to teach a student or make a point in an agrument.

But how diligent must we be? I mean, it’s impossible to define every ambiguous term we use, and to be completely clear about everything we say. Human communication always requires us to have some trust in the listener to use the context of the conversation to make sense of what we are saying, without having us to be so explicit, all the time.

But wise people know that there are times when we have to make an effort to be absolutely clear.

According to the K’sav Sofer, when Moshe and Aharon used the word “weâ€, they were technically being ambiguous. Anyone listening would have had to supply the missing information, that “we†meant that Moshe and Aharon through Hashem’s directive could bring the water. In good times, it would be reasonable for them to assume that the Jews would have completely understood it that way, and there would have been no reason for them to have to define “we†so specifically.

But since the people were in a rebellious mood and their faith was weakened, it was a different matter. Under those circumstances, Moshe and Aharon had to realize that their true intentions could not compete with the people’s desperate need to have their rebellion validated. They had to know that their words would become free game to be exploited by the rebels. In that way Moshe and Aharon became unwitting allies in the rebellion.

According to Midrash Rabbah, Moshe and Aharon had no excuses because they knew that the people were rebelling. After all, they called them rebels. And because they were speaking to rebels, they had to carefully review their words to be sure they were not, in any way, leaving their commmitment to Hashem ambiguous and open to interpretation. And therein lie their downfall.

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To avoid this problem, and have a better sense of when we can take nothing for granted, we have to be really in tune with our audience. If we want to be counted among the wise, then when we’re in an argument, or when we’re talking with someone who is very upset, we have to be aware of the risks. Our words of reconciliation can be twisted into words of war. Our explanations can be taken as accusations. Those are the concerns of Pirkei Avos, and those are times that we have to measure our words, down to the last letter, and, for the sake of peace, understanding, and making a positive impact, we make sure to state the not-so-obvious. That’s the way of the wise.

DEDICATED TO A REFUAH SHELAIMA FOR YITZCHAK ben DEVORAH