In Holy Matrimony – Marriage – there has to be a couple of rules. “The No Always Wins” is a major foundation of our marriage, and we think it is helpful for everyone else, too. Decision-making in a marriage, no matter how simple or significant the decision is that needs to be made, is ALWAYS a two-person proposition. So, what happens when both spouses do NOT agree? You guessed it: The no always wins.

Decisions are changes. Something in life is going to change, and a marriage is one life, a life together. Let no one put it asunder, not even – and especially – one of the spouses.

The no always wins simply means that one of the spouses is not ready for change. It is an absolute veto power. Committing to allowing that is crucial to a successful marriage. The fact that the no always wins means that that person is not ready for the change, or cannot make the change without maintaining some normalcy or taking the change in stride.

Taking a new job, moving, deciding whether to have a gun in the house, where the kids go to school, these are all significant decisions that require harmony between a husband and wife. But so are the small decisions like what kind of macaroni and cheese the family will eat. Every time a decision is made by one spouse, it is as if the other has made the decision. Do we invoke the no for things like macaroni and cheese? Not typically, and we discuss that.

With a significant example from early in our marriage, we dig into the emotions of putting into practice that the no always wins. We discuss the gut-wrenching need to share WHY we are saying, “No,” and that “Because” is not a fair answer. If we are asking our spouse to trust, and not have resentment for our veto, we have to give honest feedback so that we can grow together, understanding each other’s hopes, dreams, fears, and doubts.

The no always wins is relationship-building. It cannot be used for manipulation, or a weapon. And the marriage always wins if we let the no always win by committing to using it honestly.

Some items on our site that will help in The No Always Wins, or at least get you started:

TWMWU:What is Marriage?(Opens in a new browser tab)

Article:Eros – Sexual Romantic Love

Podcast Episode: Praying With Your Spouse, Part I

Podcast Episode: Praying With Your Spouse, Part II

Podcast Episode: Marriage Preparation – Episode 40

Podcast Episode: On the Road to Perfection – Episode 166

Podcast Episode: Walking In The Catholic Faith – Episode 167

Podcast Episode: (Re)Building Trust With Our Spouse – Episode 170

Podcast Episode: (Re)Building Trust With Our Children – Episode 171

Your suggestions, questions, and ideas for topics are what we need to keep providing great episodes. Email us or use the contact page to let us know what you would like us to talk about, or comment below to let us know if we picked a good topic with The No Always Wins.