In this episode we listen to Kaytra MacDonald, a mother from Delaware and Family Peer Supporter from Champions of Children with Mental Health.

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Narrator: Mothers on the Frontline is a non-profit organization founded by mothers of children with mental illness. We are dedicated to storytelling as a method of both children’s mental health advocacy and caregiver healing. Our podcasts consist of interviews of caregivers by caregivers out in the community. This results in less polished production quality but more intimate conversations rarely available to the public. Caregivers determine how they are introduced and the stories they share. We bring these personal experiences to you with the aim of reducing stigma, increasing understanding and helping policymakers recognize and solve the real unmet needs of families dealing with America’s current children’s mental health crises.

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Welcome to the “Just Ask Mom” podcast where mothers share their experiences of raising children with mental illness. “Just Ask Mom” is a Mothers on the Frontline production. Today we will hear from Kaytra McDonald from Delaware.

Dionne: I am speaking to Kaytra. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Kaytra McDonald: I am Kaytra McDonald from Delaware. I am part of Champions for Children with Mental Health. I am a family peer supporter, I am a family advocator. 

Dionne: So, Kaytra, could you tell us a little bit about yourself before and outside of mothering? What are your passions, what are your interests? What do you like to do?

Kaytra: I am an extreme couponer. I am also on different boards throughout the county, of Sussex County. I also am the food coordinator of Code Purple which is a homeless shelter. I’m a friend, I’m a community advocator, I’m a mother.

Dionne: You like the coupon?

Kaytra: Yes.

Dionne: You wanna talk about more about the coupon?

Kaytra: Couponing. I basically coupon to help others. For Mother’s Day we coupon the most [?] women. It makes them feel good for mother’s day we make them basket for personal items and then I get the community kids to make them homemade cards. Father’s Day we get together, we make baskets and give the fathers a lunch pail with a card and a basket.

Dionne: Wow, that’s nice. I like couponing too. So, pretend you are talking to whoever, just think about a person and place or maybe an institution. What do you want them to know about your experience parenting a child with mental health challenges?

Kaytra: You have to be over-minded, you have to be loving, a caring person because you don’t know what their mind is going through. You don’t know what their emotions are. You gotta come out of your box, you gotta enter their world to see how they are thinking and working.

Dionne: If you could tell us a little bit about what has been difficult in the past when trying to help your child?

Kaytra: The most difficult I think was school. They wanted to put him in like a store shed school and say working with my son. And I ask for meetings and I firmly got my son a one-on-one so he could stay in a regular school setting. And bureaucrats in the city put him into another school where he didn’t need to be. So I fought for his rights to stay in school.

Dionne: And how did that make you feel?

Kaytra: It felt good because it was a fair choice for my son.

Dionne: You were talking about the school and getting him in school. Are there any other things that work well in particular for you and your son?

Kaytra: Different programs that he was in definitely help. I had a–what is it, op–therapist?

Dionne: Occupational therapist.

Kaytra: And then I also had a community service therapist come out where they work with him after school, weekends, three times a week and he worked with other peers. That was a big help, family was definitely a big help, friends, the community working together with me.

Dionne: It sounds like you have a very good supportive environment for you and him.

Kaytra: Yes.

Dionne: So, in that, I mean in the environment, If you had to describe where you’re at right now with him and even personally, would you describe yourself as swimming, drowning or treading water?

Kaytra: I’m swimming.

Dionne: You’re swimming?

Kaytra: I’m swimming. I can’t say I’m drowning because I am not emotionally wrecked like I was every day. So I’m swimming and he’s swimming too.

Dionne: How was that? How’d you manage?

Kaytra: A lot of praying. Crying on my fiance’s shoulder, cooking, couponing but it was hard work.

Dionne: It’s a lot of work. I bet it was. 

Kaytra: Yes.

Dionne: So one of the things that as mothers, we’re often advocates we’re very good advocates for, and this one, and just ’cause you have a wonderful story, you’re advocating, you’re at the school. How do you advocate for yourself?

Kaytra: [laughter] That is a hard question. It’s hard.

Dionne: It’s hard. [laughter]. It is hard.

Kaytra: It’s hard because we put ourselves on the backburner because it’s our child. We have to get them straight before we get ourselves straight sometimes.

Dionne: Yeah. Well then, what’s your self-care routine? Aside from couponing, which is still kind of caring for others.

Kaytra: Getting my nails done, getting my toes done, quiet walks, vacationing…

Dionne: Vacations?

Kaytra: Yes, vacations. When fiance takes me on–there’s a hotel getaway to Ocean City, walking on the beach or listening to the waves at night, yes.

Dionne: So would you count that as your survival technique?

Kaytra: Yes.

Dionne: Walking on the beach?

Kaytra: Hhmmhh…

Dionne: I don’t walk on the beach too much. So in all of this, because it’s a long journey with our children inside, I know it’s a long journey with you and your son. What will you count as one of or two of your most laughable moments?

Kaytra: Oh my goodness! That’s a lot. [laughter] Laughable or happiest moments–I have to think of a good one–my son would come home with good grades or a report card and our treat to him was buying him lobster. [laughter] And he would just be tickled when he comes home to see these lobsters moving around in the kitchen sink and he picks them up because they had the rubber band on the claw. He was happy, surprising him at school, to eat lunch or we sit around watching a movie together.

Dionne: So those are your most enjoyable moments with him?

Kaytra: Yes.

Dionne: So at the end of this, it started it with pretend you’re talking to someone–what would you like for us to know, overall, as advocates, as members of the community about mothers?

Kaytra: About mothers? It’s hard, it’s tough, you gonna cry sometimes. But you have to get back up and staying up on your own two feet and keep pushing and keep a smile on your face because you’re your own child’s advocator.

Dionne: Thank you so much for doing this.

Kaytra: Thank you.

Dionne: Thank you.

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Narrator: You have been listening to Ask the Advocate. copyrighted in 2018 by Mothers on the Frontline. Today’s podcast host was Dionne Bensonsmith. The music is Old English written, performed and recorded by Flame Emoji. For more podcasts and this and other series relating to children’s mental health, go to mothersonthefrontline.com or subscribe on iTunes, Android, Google play or Stitcher.

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